Tuesday, April 29, 2014


I try to locate the doubtness that occupies my mind. How could it be there? Is this the path that everyone has to go through when they choose to beindependent. I have the knowledge, no doubt about it. I have the passion, yes, it has always been there. Maybe it was luck. Something that has always been blocking my ways. What is luck anyway?
The rationalist calls them probability, religion refers to it as God's will, philosophy names it determination, meaningful coincidence, locus of control, self fulfilling prophecy and many others. Bad luck and good luck depends on how supportive luck is toward the attainment of one's  wishes or one's dream. How supportive is luck toward my dreams so far?
Bad luck and good luck, both have been served on  my tray and I ate them, sometimes with lots of complains, some other times in silence. Through all the bad lucks they had been ways beyond my sense of justice. Good luck. I cant say I dont have it. In fact they came to me in abudance. Having no intention to mention one by one, I would nominate family, friends at work and "enemies" are blessings. They keep me alive by pulling me down and blowing me up high.
Why do I keep on comparing good and bad? Maybe they are not two separate entities. Maybe they are one in which each keep the other alive. Maybe.... I dont know much for sure, Life is a mystery. Blow the dandellion seed and hope that three will be no seeds clinging to the stalk. Wish for the good luck and be ready for the bad luck.

Sunday, April 27, 2014


There should always be an option or plan B. You can not just rely on one fixed plan. There are so many uncontrollable facts, either people or situations. Situations can  change anytime. It arrives without any warnings. Suddenly it's there in  front  of your door. You have to be ready wether you like  it or not. People also change. The person that you rely on will suddenly be not there anymore. If you have one single option  in your life, you definitely will  loose everything.
I have always thought that I'm going to build my career with the gigantic institution. I travelled days and nights dedicating my passion  and sweat. I might not  be as bright as those who had been claimed to be bright. However, I had left my traces there. I produced something, I dont just play around with the image of being bright.
After so many and many years, I realized that the place was actually not meant for me. Along the way, I began  to loose my passion and in my final years I worked just to earn my cents. I realize that my passion  and love for the gigantic cubicle is just a simulacra. I thought I'm part of it, in  fact it refuses  me to be part of it. The final years were a torturing moments. I had to strive very hard to wake up and pushed myself even harder to go to work. Entering the gate was like entering a torture chamber. The money was good, I have to admit it. But that's all that you  can  get. Sell your soul to the devil and earn money.
Love life does not differ much from other dimensions of life. Never give your heart to one man. You  still have other hearts to share with. Your family, desserted children, elderly people. Focusing  on just one heart will leave you with the risk of being hurt when your one and only hope changes. Keep some extra love for the rest. In the end, when your one and  only hope leave you, the rest will catch you. What do you have to offer to the rest? The left over or the crumbs?

Saturday, April 26, 2014


There are many versions of being Indonesian, or living in Indonesia. The versions vary, depends on  the experience of each person. Below is based on my experience:

  1. The traffic light has just  turned yellow and the cars behind you blow their horns as if you have been there for ages. Time is so precious, you have to deal with time efficiently, that's the key message.
  2. Patience is everyone's middle name. Sometimes a stranger can claim that your property is theirs and block your access to your property. Justice will definitely be considered for everyone. Have patience. A thorough investigation will be conducted and eventually you will have your access back if you know how to  behave and what to do.
  3. The definition of money  is not just a current medium of exchange in the form of coins and banknotes, but it is the password to your life. When you  are  in dangers, all you have to do is "buy" your life.  
  4. Show your empathy to all motorcyclist during the rainy season.  Do not drive underneath the bridge. The bridge is a shelter to protect them from  the rain.  Oops... let me make some corrections. It's not only during the rainy season, during all seasons. In a hot summer day, dont let them suffer too long, let them drive fast, even at the cost  of your car. To those who walk, remember, sharing is our culture, so share the pedestrian path with them and show your understanding when they honk for they have to be home soon.
  5. Private and public life are kept in balance. Everybody's life is everybody's concern. This is a communitarian society.  People will focus and put extra effort to provide you with wise words and advices when you hit the ladder of success. However they will keep it as your private life when you are  in trouble. It's all yours. Enjoy!
  6. Riding in a public transportation is so much fun. It's like a free entertainment place. Most of  the time a stranger will board on it and play you songs until you are moved and spare your coins with them. Not much just coins. You wont be richer if you keep the coins, that's the Indonesian wise proverb. Oops... angkot or public cars have also their on versions to tell. They make sure that the passengers are served. They wait for everyone to board into the angkot before they depart, be it at the green traffic light or in  the middle of the street. They also pick all passengers, in all places. Not only those who  wait at the bus stop are served, but everybody. When I say everybody, I really mean it. What a sevice! Nice, arent they?
  7. At work, tolerance is unbelievable high. People respect each other if you are of  the same race, religion, or graduate from the same university, or even if you are of the same batch of  recruitment. They collaborate and coordinate to help each other, at all cost to save their friends.
 There are many things to share. However, this  is my country. I may share all the public secrets but have to keep private  secrets in  the closet.


God “will repay each person according to what they have done.” To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life.  But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger.  
There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile;  but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For God does not show favoritism.

Tuesday, April 08, 2014


Before I took my retirement I had thought life was going to be simpler for  me. Time to enjoy my life. I wanted to do the things I want to do. I wanted to travel, I wanted to inhale the air of freedom and I wanted to teach children, I wanted to write books, I wanted to finish my dissertation, I wanted to cook for I love cooking. I wanted to take care of my son and mom. There are so many wants.
After my retirement, I cooked , I lecture and teach, I work on my dissertation, I travel, but I miss one thing, the air of freedom! The things that previously imagined were part of my freedom, has now turned into obligation. Another job if I may say.
Cooking which was my passion has begun to  strangle me. There was a time when I received orders beyond these two hands can  cope. I felt like it was the end  of my day. From that time, I told everyone that we would not take too much orders. Just enough so that we can manage it.
I am in charge of a project, teacher preparation for the new semester. It's a three month project. Knowing that these hands of mine were full, I invited friends to join. Working in a group has never been easy. Especially when I have to conduct the project. So, I ended up attending the project almost everyday to control the quality. Seven different people, each with their own style  of teaching, will definitely impact the result of the project. We'll see the end result in June 13, 2014. Are they really progressing ?
My desire to lecture has brought me back to my campus. I started teaching right after I retired. Beautiful isn't it! yes to some extent. But material preparation consumed so much of my time. They are graduate students so better be ready for any possibilities. So far, I can managed it well, but could have been better if I only focus on this area.
My dream of having my school has also brought me to a chaotic situation. Setting up a new school, curriculum, furniture, teacher, place, teaching material are all the piled of work that need to be done. Along the course  of time, I tried to get some help. So far, I have to do  things myself. Lucky enough, the nature conspires with all good intentions. I received lots of helps from people around me. So far, I have found a spot to start my school, I had done the first and second level of my curriculum, I have developed some teaching materials and have found a teacher. I am almost done with the furniture.
Hopefully it gets done  on time for the  opening, which is going to be in September.
My dissertation, this is an area of which I'm very weak at. It's hard for me to focus. Every time I try to focus, new problems pop up. Well... I have to...I'm half way through, there is no point of return. I have to ...I have to... I have to...., I told  myself. But saying does not mean finishing. So sit down and focus!!!!!
Travelling.... gosh...my plan to travel with my eldest has vanished into the thin air. We were supposed to travel in April. But I got caught up in  the middle of work. I still managed to handle my promise  to my second daughter that I would visit her. Here I am, writing down this piece in my daughter's bed room in Australia. I stayed here only for a week, for I have to take care of my project, my school, my lectures and my family. I have planned to travel with my family  in June.  Hopefully it works well.
My mom and my son were the two most understandable people on  earth. Thank you  for having you both, you both have tons of patience. I have to admit that I do not spend much of my quality time with them, and I only spare some  of  my time with them. The true fact is, they take care of me rather than the other  way round. Forgive  me God.... will do  my best.
Now... what do you want lady? If you  can not decide your mind, time will decide for you!! 

Saturday, April 05, 2014


It's the color that make you and I different. I have noticed it for sometimes. It turns softer in one dimension of your life and appears again in another  dimension. Racial  difference. Efforts were contributed to get rid of  it. It's still there, still strong although not as strong as it had been before. However, whatever got shunted will not subside. It appears with a new face, a softer face but still kills.
In the place where I used to work, people were differentiated based on the color of their name tag. The level of respect granted was based on the color of your name tag. You are your  name tag. if you loose your name tag because you are retired or because you  quit to be part of the organization, dont expect to be respected. You are suddenly a stranger, lost  in the jungle of disrespectful people.
My previous office was not the only place. There was a case when I tried to find a parking spot. I stopped in front of a bank in which I was a client. A security guard approched and asked, are you a prime member? I asked him in  dismay, what do you mean by prime member? Are you a platinum member? he asked me again. I said, oh...you mean my card? He nodded firmly. I then realized that I'm not the chosen one. So...I drove my car to find another parking spot, a more suitable parking spot for my type of card.
Similar treatment are also part of my travelling experience. I waited in the lounge of an airline for my ticket. A crowd of people were waiting for their turn. Some could not get a seat. Behind me there is a waiting room that looks cozy. The room was empty and cookies and drinks were served on the table. I saw two ladies and their drivers. I knew they were the drivers for they went in and out, asking questions for "Nyonya" to the security guard who happened to be standing next to my seat. The cozy room are indeed cozy, and in front they put a large notice: Executive Platinum Member Only. Oops....
We get so used to be treated differently based on  your color of cards, that we take it as a common practice. A condition provided based on the amount of money that you contribute to the service provider. Service which was derived from either French or Latin originated from the word servus or slave. Those who are supposed to be our "slave" tell us the type  of service that we can have. It's not their duty to serve us. It is our duty to buy their service based on the tagged price. We are enslaved by the service that we buy based on  colors. So... you are the color of your card!