Friday, March 23, 2012


Cold sweat ran through my forehead, running down to the sides of my cheeks before it finally landed on my neck. My entire neck was wet. I felt empty and dizzy. It's back again, whipping my nerves and body even harder than before. The pain was unbearable!
I asked Him again, what else do you want from me God? I begin to change, I try to be a better me. I am trying to do all my best to be yours. This is my temptation, this is my cross. I take it God and
I thank you Lord for all your blessings. If she is one of the blessings, I thank you Lord. I dont ask you to take this cross away from me, but pls give me strength to face it properly. I love her Lord, no matter how bad she is. Show me how to love her Your way, not my way.
Are you lonely my princess? Are you hurt? Do you miss your dad? Am I not good enough for you? Do you want me to accept him? Give me strength to understand her Lord. Save her from all the temptations, talk to her God, help me make her understand You better.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012


It's been almost 3 months since I moved to the new department. Things are getting a little bit clear. I begin to see the big picture and begin to dive into the details. I have to enjoy it, no matter what, this is what life is offering me at this very moment.

About 3 weeks ago, the previous member of the board, came down to my place. He has gone through a lot of awful times. He was trying to look as if nothing changed. I saw myself in his reflection, trying to pretend that nothing change. I did not know what to say but the moment was boggling my mind. He then made a statement to me:"Finally you found your home." My home? Is there a place called home in this jungle? Anyway, I replied nicely: "Every place has to be my home Sir. There is no other way to keep myself comfortable then to treat any place as home."

Today I received my personal appraisal. Yes, as I predicted the old department classified me as mediocre. I travelled back to the past and saw the pattern, if the boss likes you (not your work) he will label you as superior and it works the other way round when he doesnt like you. I learn to carry this reality although it is not easy. As far as I remember, I create new things, I innovate and I dont just do the routine stuff. Anyway..... let it go...

This new place and new surroundings have turned myself into the new me. Have they? I doubt. I saw myself tracing back the path that I had been through in the past. I went back to the moment in time in which I felt myself as a good person if not best. The naked me, without all the labels without all the ornaments, sitting under the shade of His blessings. Thank you Lord for all the blessings.