Saturday, July 12, 2014


I am fifty six today. I was fifty five yesterday. Fifty five brought  new perspectives about life and children to  me. The things that has been  inhabited my cognition has slowly been translated into  my action. Sometimes I wonder if it is to late for me to make changes. But then I realize, late is an expression created to fill the gap of the opposite of early. Just do and believe that wonderful things will happen. As long as you do "positive" things, His blessings will always be part of it.
I feel a bit awkward when my husband and children woke me up at 12.00. I have never been treated like this before. Ooops I did, once, last year. Thanks to my daughters who bring a new meaning to birthdays. I had learned to accept birthday as a "not-important-day". Simply because I had not been treated that way, I changed my definition  of birthday. It was immature of me. I was like a looser who lost the battle of life and surrendered. Thanks to my lovely children who now are more my gurus rather than  the other way round. They are their own person and will soon become the pattern or  model that others would copy or go against. Hopefully they are ready for this battle.
I love my children. The love that has gradually changed. I started with an  aim to craft and possess children into  the model that I learn from books. I later on  realize, they are my dreams, but my children have their own  dreams. I could not be what I dream of, how can I turn them into my dreams.  I begin to learn to let them follow their own dreams. I am here, ready to be your partner to discuss dreams. Dreams can be good but dreams can also be dangerous. Dream the dreams of your own, dont let other people put their dreams into your head.

Sunday, June 15, 2014


I have been using the services of Automated Teller Machine or ATM for sometimes. It is an electronic banking outlet, which assists me to complete  my transactions. However I have never put another thought on it. I draw my cash or pay my transactions and that's it. Even if I pass ATM I dont even put a special notice on it.
It changed one night after I had had a dream. An exremely weird dream. In my dream I am not me. I am an ATM. Many people came to use my services. Sometimes the queu of people are very long. I have to make sure that I can be of full service to all those people. The money has to  be there, always. A man and a beautiful girl kicked me because I ran out of money. There were also  another occasions in  which they totally ignored me because of the same reason. Deep down in my heart I was hoping they would help me and call my head office to report that I'm out of cash. But that was my hope and my hope are not the customers'.
During my dream, I asked my customers what do they need all those money for? I did not get a response, they did not even notice my question. Then I realize, I am just an ATM, I dont deserve an explanation. All I have to do is provide services to those who need cash and make sure I dont fail to do so.
That dream ended that night. I woke up from my dream and could  not help myself from thinking about it. The dream stopped but the thoughts are alive, even up to the moments of writing this story. I just wonder how my customers could survive if they are not allowed to use my services. They will probably go straight to the bank to draw cash or they go to another ATM. Again, it is only my thoughts, my thoughts are not theirs.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014


The teaching sessions to prepare teachers for the billingual program will be over  this week end. The lessons that I learnt from the program are enormous. I found blank spots here and there. Some of them are as follows:
1. Goals. The adopted approach is based on taxonomy Bloom. Most are familiar with it, but then implementing it into the teaching process is another issue. Some do not understand the difference among, cognitive, affective and psychomotoric. In spite of the so many critics conveyed to the approach, one can always make adjustments here, there and everywhere. How can you make adjustments when you dont even understand the concept. How can you define your goals? Most goals are either cognitive or psychomotoric. Affection has no place, while affection has a huge impact on cognitive and psychomotoric goals.
2. Lesson plan. Most teachers are confused about the difference between lesson planning and curriculum. Being confused does not lead them to find the answers, but they stay drawning in the wave of confusion.  I wonder if teachers feel the urge to make a lesson plan before teaching.
3. Creativity. I dont blame teachers for lacking of creativity. They are also the victims of the negative pictures of rationality. I always remind them about the generation who can  draw two mountains and the sun in  between. They are the product of this generation, including me. It has been there and it is not easy to combat  them. Creativity had always been a sin. If you go out of the set standards, you are wrong. This phenomena are everywhere in all areas of life, including education. So teachers follow the standards.
4. Teaching methodology. Most teachers love to hear their own voice. So they spend most of  the teaching session talking. The students listen and try to memorize, yes memorize, the words. Participation which  is the main door to understanding is totally closed and locked. It is a habit that has been inherited from  the past and remain  alive until today. It is not easy to ask teachers to open the door and provide room for the students to contribute their experience. Teachers still have the believe that they know more than the students. Believe it or not, students actually know a lot more  for they are the generation who has access to Mr. Google and know how to manipulate it.
5. Teachers complain of being the second class citizenship. My comment: who can make you the first class citizens unless you do it yourself?
6. Schools are owned either by the Government or by Foundations.  I wonder if the Government and those who are  in charge of the foundations do really understand what educations are. Stop regulating until you really know what educations are.
My project will be over soon. I really look forward to cooperate with teachers to improve together.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014


My name is Luciana. She mentioned her name boldly. A typical girl of 24 years stood next to me in front of the mirror. We both have just finished swimming. I watched her image closely in the mirror. Her short hair was still wet and she dried them up with a towel. Then she smiled at me and asked me : "Do you swim everyday?
"No, I swim every other day.  Actually I’m a diabetic patient, so I need to do sport to tone down my glucose level," I must have said them out of self pity.
"Ooh  my dad is also a diabetic patient. My dad, my mom and I swim everyday. I’m proud of my dad.  Once his glucose level had reached more than 500 but still he managed to drive home with his motor cycle."
I did not say a word out of shock. Then I diverted the conversation to get away from shame: “Do you work?”
She said: "Yes, but I quit because I want to take my postgraduate degree."
"So, here you are accompanying your  dad swimming. That’s nice!"
She smiled and stopped drying her hair. She looked at me deeply and said: "He accompanied my mother actually. My mom suffered from Leukemia." 
This time I was even more shocked. Out of my shock and confusion I said: "You are the nicest girl  for you take care of them."
She stood there staring at me. "We take care of each other.   I suffer from leaking heart valve."
This morning I saw her again in the swimming pool. I saw her taking care of an old thin lady and a grey haired man. They have been a point of my observation before. I had been wondering what are they trying to achieve, learning how to swim at old age.
This morning she did not recognize me, for our conversation was just a fleeting moment. A moment that Luciana have to go through, just like the rest of the other moments. But for me, the moment that has alerted me from my dream of self  pity. Thank you Luciana, you add another dimension into my life.

Sunday, May 18, 2014


If the sun can ease the  pain, I will burn myself with the rays
If the tears can subside the angst, I will make the ocean overflow
If silence can dampen the chaotic battle inside of me, I will keep both ears closed
Unfortunately the sun is there to light up the day
and keep us alive everyday
There is no promise of light without darkness
Regretably, tears can ease the angst for a while, it is still sticks there until time shunt it sideways
Tears have never been meant to exist without laugters.
Sadly silence can only deafen my ears, while the battle is there to continue. Being deaf does not mean  that the world stop evolving around the sun.
Maybe I focus too much on the pain, the angst and the chaotic battle. And maybe I focus too much on myself. And maybe I forget to answer the question of life: Have you counted your blessings?

Monday, May 05, 2014



This is to announce that a heart was found desserted on the street yesterday. It is in a  good condition although a bit crumppled.  When we found the heart it was battered and showed an indication of minor bleeding.  It has been taken care of and is in a better condition now.
The owner of  the heart please contact the address  below. You dont have to bring any document to proof that the heart is yours.

Lost and Found Department
contact: God @

Thursday, May 01, 2014


Good morning! It is a beautiful morning. The sun is peeping beautifully among the clowds. The birds are chirping and the plants and trees are nodding their head to greet me. How many mornings do I still have Lord?
I swallow the magnificent air as my ears capture the sound of wind chimes rattling incessantly in the air. The windchimes that connect me to my deceased sister. My sister's face is suddenly here, with me. She was laying on her death bed while I was beside her. The pain was so unbearable and she did not do anything but cry. Once in a while she made a hissing sound to let me know that she was in so much pain.
I did not know what to do. Panic was striking me at that time. But I kept on reminding myself, she needs you! I held her hand in mine and began to pray. I asked, cried and shouted silently to God to help her, to ease her pain. I did not ask God to save her for I know God had His own plan. God was saving her from another more severe  pain. We felt asleep that  night, holding hands and counting the nights in our dream. How long will this  last Lord?
The following morning as the sun appeared on  the window we both woke up battered. She was so weak, but the spirit to fight was there, alive. She posed me a question:Why did He give me such a limited time? I'm only in  my midfifties. I still have dreams to pursue? I did not know what to say. I was not ready for such conversation. I hesitated for a while before I said: "You are always lucky compared to me. You know and can  predict what's going to happen to you. The doctor said, you had only two years to go, but I could go anytime, even before you." You still have time  to plan ahead. But I probably not because it could arrive anytime.
My sister died. Similar mornings are still around, occuring in different time and spaces. And this  morning I asked the same question to myself: How  many days are left for me?