Tuesday, October 22, 2013


I wrote down in one of my post about number 555 or 55 that seemed to be following me. Every time I turned my eyes to the clock those numbers are there. Often when I focused on a number, 555 or 55 are exposed to my sight. I am not a strong believer in superstitious signs, but I do read them, be it accidentally. Like many other people, I try to link those numbers with bad omen.
Indeed at the age of 55 many bad incidents occured in my life. One after another, putting a lot of pressures on me. Amidst all the gravities that pulled me down I managed to push myself above the water and find for a reason  if not a rescue. I get hold to any objects that could keep me afloat. I knew that I sounded desparate by rattling and mumbling, but sometimes those words are not meant to be understood semantically for they are bear no correspondence to the reality. 
I had a talk with my second daughters, confirming her that all those bad lucks that fall upon me really happen at the age of 55. She disputed against me and said, I believe all the good things will fall upon you at the age of 55. Create your own positive self fulfilling prophecy.
In memory of my deceased brother in law, the pastor preached about the bitterness of the water and the complains that were directed to him during the flight out of Egypt. The bitterness was then turned into sweetness. The bitterness are there for a  reason. They are there to  make us appreciate the sweetness of life. Give me any number now and I will turn them into my lucky number. Bitter and sweet are there for my sake for developing myself into a complete person.

Monday, October 21, 2013


He loves me
He loves me not

 He loves me
He loves me not

He loves me
He loves me not

He loves me
He loves me not

He loves me
He loves me not


Friday, October 18, 2013


My mother is 91. That's really incredible. I dont think I want to be that old, for I can not imagine myself sitting on my own listening to the loud deafening silence. The symptons of loneliness has begin to crawl on my skin and bite my brains. I can not describe how it is, yet, I can feel it inside.
As it knocks at my door, the nights turns longer than daylights. Reading books do not automatically take me to the dreamland as it used to be.  I stare at the ceiling and grab any thoughts that drifted across my mind. Sometimes the thoughts pull my heart even deeper into the ocean  of discomfort and some other times, it helps me to ease the uncertainty slightly until the curfew falls.
In such situation, the past is always the most comfortable spot. I go through the pictures  of my children on  the wall of  my heart. When they were born, I almost complained for  not having my own private time. As time goes by, they brought so much pleasure to my life. My bed had witness the ecstacy of life, the moments when they crawl, brag, smile, laugh, cry, the  moments when they are thoughtless and I was senseless. I complained, yet my heart danced.
Season  changes, they all grow up. My princess is busy with her work, my big baby is busy with her studies, my handsome prince spend most of his time outdoor. They have found their own world and developed their own individualities. Soon they will put the pictures of their own children on the wall of their own hearts.
My bed is empty, and my room felt a bit too big for me. God decides my time, but if I may choose my own time, give me the opportunity to witness their wedding bells. I dont want be like  my mother. She  has to carry all the pictures around, be it mine, my deceased sister, my brother whom she hardly sees and my eldest sister. It amazes me to watch her deal with the unbearable silence moments. If I have a choice, their wedding bells are probably the proper time. After that I will take  their pictures off and bury them inside my graveyard.

Tuesday, October 01, 2013


A soft softwhisper was knocking at my door
awaken me of my jolly dream
The veranda was lifeless and empty
A gust of wind gently touched my face

A vibrant multi color leaf was at my porch
She bowed gracefully
And began to chant beautifully
The glorious song of time filled the air

Hello, Im October
the wind has brought me here
to sing you the message of nature
to bring you the spirit of elevation

the blossoming flowers have gone
so have the moist green grassy field
the sunny days are yawning
indistinct shadows  will soon dwell

seek not for June
June has departed
Here I am October
arriving to deliver the magical mantra

The glowing colors of autumn
the golden moments of silence
the captivating solemn instants
That echo your own thoughts

Open your soul and let me in
For winter will soon be here
Removing the unfinished contemplations
and freezes them forever