Friday, May 30, 2003


Often at nighttime when silence is the largest and the darkness is enveloping the earth…I have an unwanted guest knocking at my door. She calls herself “Dream”. She’s not an outstanding mortal, nor is she an admirable being.
As we sit together, she tells me a story…the similar story again and again. The story is not about the astonishing supremacy of the sun, nor is it about the amazing dormant power of a volcanic. The story is just an ordinary story, the story of a candle…. a little candle that lighten up the darkness of life. The only dream that haunts my nights. My hopes and wishes for my angel.

Thursday, May 29, 2003


Kujentik pucuk hidungnya perlahan. Seperti daun Putri malu di tepian jalan, hidungnya mengerut dan bola matanya membelalak. Pipinya yang ranum membentuk gumpalan dan kedua bibirnya rapat menyatu, merengut, merona. Kuraih tubuh kecil itu ke dalam pelukanku, harum susu menghambur baur. Kudekap dalam pelukan dan kulantunkan tembang “Kasih” dengan irama jantungku..
Aku tidak pernah menginginkan kau tertidur ataupun terlena dalam haribaanku. Aku hanya ingin kau tahu bahwa disini, di dalam dadaku ada tempat dan kehangatan untuk kamu. Seperti tungku penghangat dimusim salju, matahari pagi di musim panas, lambaian daun kering di musim gugur dan gerai senyuman kelepak bunga di musim semi. Tempat abadi dimana cinta kasih tak mengenal usia, tak pernah lekang ataupun lapuk, biar badai haru biru menerpa hidupmu, biar terpuruk engkau disudut bumi….di hati ini….ada sepenggal kasih abadi menanti…immortal…

Wednesday, May 28, 2003


Angels, I found this poem for you.

By: Nikki
It's hard 2 find real friends
that don't get mad 4 dumb reasons.
It's hard to find real friends
that won't tell all your secrets.
It's hard to find real friends
that don't care what u look like
or even how you act.
But once u've got real friends
thats all u've got 2 have.

Tuesday, May 27, 2003


Xan, Wooly and my Angel
This morning as I passed the roses, I noticed the dull grey cocoon was broken open. There was nothing inside. It was just a cold empty shell. My mind is set far away to the future, years from now on, to your friendship, the three of you. I am certain the friendship will still be there. However the three of you would have a life of your own.
As I trace all the moments that you share, I thought about all the good times the three of you had had. Times that you could never have again.
I have seen empty shells, i have seen dried leaves, I have seen death...I am hoping that your friendships will never fade away neither will it be erroded by time nor die.
Angels, I am assured that you would have valued all these moments of friendship better.

Monday, May 26, 2003


Scene 1 : The date is set...the 6th of June, your grandparents will be celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. A fifty years full of blessings, travelling through a rocky and winding roads during winter, spring, summer and fall.
Scene 2 : I went with dad to a movie called My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It was hilariously droll. I really got a charge out of it. Marriage is not only about two different personalities, but it is also a marriage of two different cultures. Unless both of the couple or either one is ready to do sacrifices, the marriage will not work. It really takes a village to get married but once you know the clues, it will be just like another ordinary day of your life.
Scene 3 : A sound of roaring laughter burst out of my room. Sitting in my comfortable chair, resting your feet on my ottoman, you were hugging the pillow into your stomach. My big fat Greek wedding!!!!! As the movie was approaching the final part, you moved the pillow to cover your face and you were weeping lightly. I guess everyone, whoever watches that movie will get moved once it arrives at this scene. It is a sublime of love.
Scene 4 : Later when you get married, you remain ours in thought and spirit. Even death cannot put us apart. But your husband… will have you as a complete person, including you in the physical dimension. It is a very breath taking moment Angel as God passes the cup of blessing into your life.

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Tuesday, May 13, 2003


You were sitting on the floor with a blue t-shirt and faded jeans. Your friends were dragging you to the pool, one on each side and two others behind you. Your jacket was thrown aside on the floor. These snapshots were taken in Puncak.
Two albums of photos were exposed in front of me. You were trying to explain all the moments in details. Your eyes were glowing with excitements. Picture by picture…scene by scene… a precious moments that happened to your life.
Around 10 o' clocks, we received news from your aunt. Grandma is hospitalised. We were all numb. It is another piece of our jigsaw of life. Some pictures are nice but some others are not. Happiness is referred to as happiness due to the existence of sadness. There wouldn't be such a thing as counterfeit gold if there were no real gold somewhere

Monday, May 12, 2003


Sometimes it hurts me so much to say the things I have never meant to say to you. I know that’s not the way to change you. I am not as patient as those mothers you find in the fairy tale books or movies. I am a mother in reality. As I sit at my desk in the office, I remember those words that I said to you yesterday and this morning. I remember your expressions while listening to all those words. I saw the anger mixed with hurt in your eyes. A deep moan was echoing in my heart. I’m sorry Angel. Should those words discourage you, but it wasn’t meant to be that way.

Friday, May 09, 2003

It has been raining cats and dogs since last night. The streets were all inundated. I took you to school early in the morning. The traffic was moving slowly and carefully like a giant snake crossing the slippery surface. I arrived late at work and buried myself in the hurly burly of office work. You called me twice today while I was in the meetin.I drove through the hectic traffic to pick you up. The entrances to our house were all blocked by water. So the two of us decided to hang around in front of Pondok Indah, hoping that the level of water will go down and I don’t have to leave our car somewhere else.
We sat beside the peddler’s cart. We talked about life and friends. I knew that you couldn’t make a fair judgment. A thin mist of jealousy was blocking your sight. Tapping you lightly on your shoulder was a means to communicate my feelings which sometimes worth more than tons of messages. As time went by, the thin mist slowly disappreared. The drop drills the stone. As the sun slowly surrendered to shine and was about to dive into the horizon, a rainbow came into our view and smiled to my angel.

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

A sweet angel
Was bestowed on my lap
Back to the past, 17 years ago

A petite fille
Running cheerfully around me
Accompanying me in my solitude
Thirteen years ago in Sydney

A twelve years old girl
Stubborn but delicate
With a frown look
Expressing confusion

Sweet seventeen at last
transformed into a cocoon
Hoping to be a butterfly
May all the shining stars
Bestowed upon you

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

We can do anything we want as long as we stick to it long enough. This is Helen Keller’s statement that I found today.
You are beautiful, you are smart, you are tidy and neat, you are excellent in art and you care about others. Your teacher and I have been discussing about you. We both were trying to find out the answer to your problem. At the end of our conversation we arrived at the conclusion that the flame inside you has died. The spirit to be better and higher doesn’t dwell in your heart and soul any longer. Determination and persistence are two alien concepts for you. The world has turned itself into a dangerous place to live for you. Not because of the people who are evil, but because of the fact that you don’t do anything about life.
Your opponent, in the end, is never really the player on the other side of the net, or the swimmer in the next lane, or the team on the other side of the field, or even the bar you must high jump. Your opponent is yourself, your negative internal voices, and your level of determination.

Friday, May 02, 2003

... Life is like a box of chocolate, you'll never know what you're gonna get. The Forrest Gump was with us all the way home today.
A child in heart and spirit, even as his body grows to maturity. The most frequently recurring theme is an admonition not to give up on life. Why surrender when you don't know what lies ahead? Angel, proceed even at a slower pace than others.