Tuesday, March 30, 2010


They call Borneo their home, for more than 60% of the total Orang Utan population live in Borneo, in a small island surrounded by a river. Native to Indonesia, in the rain forest of Sumatra and Kalimantan specifically, Orang Utan is the only Asian living genus of great ape. The word Orang Utan is adopted from Indonesian, in which orang means man and utan means forest.
The forest fire that broke out a couple of times in Kalimantan has left many baby Orang Utan without roof over their head. Thanks to the Borneo Orang Utan Survival Foundation who establishes an education centre in Nyaru Sampang as to prepare the babies to get ready once they are set free in the rain forest.
Nearby Nyaru Sampang there is an island where Orang Utan are set free into their real habitat. Every lunchhour a boat will sail to the island. A bunch of Orang Utan will cluster nearby the boat, waiting for their food. We took Klotok, a small traditional boat, to travel around the island to see the Orang Utan. Even though we arrived behind schedule, we managed to see a big Orang Utan among the branches nearby the riverwith a big plastic on his head to protect himself from the burning sun. He was sitting on the branches in the swampy area nearby the water. The root of the the Rhizophora plants have turned the water black.

Monday, March 22, 2010


Ambon, an island in the eastern part of Indonesia, hampering across 377 Km2 with more than 400 thousands of occupants has once been the most favorite place of the Dutch colony, called spice island. Recently a religious conflict between Islam and Christian broke out. The long drawn out conflict is now over.

The conflict has left most of the areas neglected. A once known as a clean and pleasant place to visit, feels more like a place where only the fittest survive. Attention is now directed to rebuild the economy. It is a common practice that economic development can not escape from the claw of politics. The physical conflict is over, yet the invisible conflicts are still silently murmured. There will be a possibility that religion will again be utilized to disguise the political battle. When the talking animals are in conflict, the presence of Leviathan is in need.

Friday, March 19, 2010

RATING: R for violence and language

Starring the notorious Rogue, bozo, clowns.

Post election, a moment which is normally cramped with consolidations, worked the reverse way in the land of opportunists, called Indamnesia. An evil genius, Rogue, seeks to conquer the ruling party in Indamnesia ; he is assisted by a bunch of thugs and an army clowns.
There were two types of Clowns: Big Nosey Clowns, the most commonly seen clowns, are walking funny robots with laser blasters for arms, while the Respectful clowns are specialized indisguised backstabber armed with invisible missiles and lasers. They are joined on many occasions except when the steel yard that measures power indicates a reverse position than the previous. At such time, the Respectful Clowns, wearing armany clad, appeared as the wise to backstab for the benefit of any enemies that would share their power with them. Whoever win, the respectful clowns win, be it the Rogue or the ruling party.
Unlike all the well directed scenes and the well crafted cinematography that depict the battle, the movie was dominated by physical conflicts and obscene language. In an interview the extreme wealth Bozo, who intelectually directed this movie, admitted that such fact and claimed that such is very common in order to bring up the main theme of the movie which is "Extreme Power". He also claimed that his movie has gone beyond the ordinary soap operas and deserves to be reffered as a breakthrough in the movie industry. The fact that it is rated as R for violence and language, doesn't change the reality that this movie is nominated for an award in the forthcoming rat carpet event.

Monday, March 15, 2010


One of the assignment that I have to deal with next week is presenting the economic dimension of globalization. It is assigned to me about a month ago, but I find it extremely difficult since economy sounds Greek to me. Another thing, I dont like numbers, in fact I hate numbers and I begin to stronly believe that the more you hate something or somebody, the more you have to deal with it.

The article, written by Paul Bairoch, is full of numbers. It's a historical trajectories and he analyzes a series of data on international trade to see the long term impact of them. I am quite lucky that two friends of mine happen to major in economy and expert in the area of finance. So they explain the economy theory on international trade as a background for me to read the article.

Bairoch notices the increase of GDP commencing as of pre world war 1 up to the 1996. However those number represent the economy of the developed countries, which represent only 15% of the total population. 85% of them are obliterated from the discussion of growth. Aside from the noted increase that has been recorded by the developed countries, they have entered a negative phase of the economic, especially social plains. Bairoch mentioned 6 characteristics of which I quoted only three major ones: a growing inequality in the distribution of revenue, greater employment instability, a more negative evolution in unskilled labor conditions; lower salaries and loss of jobs.

The numbers have succeeded in creating the myth of growth, whereas behind them there are reality that goes to the opposite direction. In the end, I have every reason to dislike numbers though the more I dislike it the more they stick with me. One last request, Wish me luck with my presentation, that's all I need for the time being !!!

Saturday, March 13, 2010


I feel like I have been ran over by a truck. It's not the title of a song, but this is the soreness that's been biting my bones and muscles after going back to sport. I didn't respond positively to the invitation to join the volley ball team in my office. It's not after a couple of times of invitation until I said yes. I felt a little bit awkward in the beginning since I haven't been playing volley ball for ages. The last time was more than 10 years ago.

After the first training program I could hardly drive myself home. I was so worn out and felt numb all over my feet. The second training was no better than the first. The disturbed sleep was accompanied by a severe headache. I don't know if I would continue to be part of the team. One thing I know for sure, it brings me back the memory of the past. The time when sport open up my horizon to this world.

I used to be one of the National Volley Ball player. I did not belong to the celebrities of the national volley ball team of my time for I was only part of the team from 1983 to 1985. I started very young, but quit 4 years later to focus on my studies. I came back again right after I had finished my studies and was invited to join the national team. Two years afterward I decided to get married and quit. It was not a very dazzling career in sport but I realized the consequences of my choice.

Despite of the short tenure of my career in sport, I should have admitted that I gained more than the efforts that I spent in sport. I learn about collaborating with others and do my best to achieve our shared vision. I know what it meant to spend my last drop of sweat for the sake of reaching our dream. In short, I owe my present life to sport!!!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


The hustle and bustle of the traffic in a big city is the typical flavour of living in Jakarta. Traffic congestion is something that everybody has to deal with, especially during the rush hour. All the streets are all bogged down by the amount of traffic. The more people get used to it, the more impatient they became. As a consequence they wake up in the morning, with heads stuffed with expectation to deal with the traffic congestion. They dashed off to work as to be able to avoid the traffic.
The expectation then turns into reality. As people drive, they are then sucked up by the congestion and got burried in the graveyard of the traffic. In next to no time, they will get irritated and spit out curses if not four letter words. Car drivers blame the motorbikers, and so do the opposite. Pedestrians are not considered liable to use the street. If cursing is considered as a crime, then the statistic for crime in the traffic will probably recorded the highest rate.
I am no better than the rest of the people when it deals with traffic. With my negative expectation in my head, I get easlly irritated by the traffic. And, yes... I spit out curses. It has turned into such a habit that it has never come across my mind that I'm no better than those people that annoyed me. There were times that I tried to control myself but the intention almost immediately dispersed into the thin air.
This morning I tuned into a radio station, broadcasting the topic on happiness. "Happiness is about how you control yourself to see things. Happiness is not about the things itself, but happiness is about you. To speak the language of the common, happiness is not about the money that you put into the stockmarket, or about your fancy cars. Happiness is about how you perceive things around you. So YOU are the creator of happiness."
I sat silently behind the steering wheel. The words penetrated deep into my mind. It's not the traffic that irritates me, but it is how I perceive the traffic that irritates me. If I choose to cool off and not to follow the negative expectation that dwells in my head, things would probably end up far beyond getting irritated and depressed. I miss the YOU in me, my freedom to become myself.

Monday, March 08, 2010


The news that my uncle died in Cirebon has brought my husband away for the entire week end. He represented the entire family and went to Cirebon with my brother in law and my uncle. Two of my children went to watch Java Jazz, commencing as of Friday to Sunday. So I was home with my son during the entire week end.

Saturday morning, I took my son for a short drive and went to the ATM to solve some unsettled bills. Then we drove through the neighbourhood and had a mother-to-son talk. The house felt empty. I tried to read some articles, but after an hour of two, I got bored and decided to do something else.

I laid down quietly in my bed. My mind was wandering in the wilderness of my thoughts. One scene after another came into my view, be it the past or the castle in the sky. I assembled the circle of causalities, one into another until my mind was focused on one issue: have I been a good person?

I felt like broken beats toyed by the wind. Whirling and twirling in the sky aimlessly. I tried to find what's lacking in me. It's I, I and I concealed behind the me...me...and me... . The world is evolved around me. I had been very occupied with myself until I forget the facts that the world is so full of others. Those others are reflection of my relationship with God. As I ingore the others, then I ignore God. My relations to God is a mechanistic relationship, a habitus. I go to church and pray because that's how I had been brought up by my mom.

"Dear Lord, forgive me! Dear others, I want to be part of you!"

Friday, March 05, 2010


The room was filled with the cold freezing artifical air. All the desks and chairs were empty, except four at the front row. One lady and 3 gentlemen, looking firm and powerful occupied those desks and chairs. They gave me a stern look which made me shivered a little bit. I told myself that this is my floor, ready or not.

I took my books and papers out and put them in orderly manner on the desk. I straightened my throat to keep my articulation clear and sonorous. "I focus my research on the human side of Learning Organization. Human being...." I heard my own voice echoing in the empty room. I didnt really remember what I told them, all I wanted to do at that time was making things clear to them and got over it as soon as I can. I followed exactly the line of thoughts that I had prepared at home. The 15 minutes was soon over and I was sweating as opposed to the cold air that stinge my pores.

Those faces in front of me were expresionless. They purposely let silence fall in between us, and I swear that those moments were torturing me like death. Then the lady took over the situation. She opened up her sweet lips and shoot me with her questions. It was not just one question, but a couple of questions. I took a deep breath as to be able to overcome the pressure that she gave me with her questions. I reassembled my thoughts and began to answer her. One after another, we both jumped into a serious discussion until she finally looked reassured.

The next examiner added some more pressure as he threw some more questions. He was definitely showing his mastery over my proposal as he left me with two unaswered questions. But that was my battle, so I had to make sure that I could balance his questions. The following examiner took me even further to the unknown strange land. He posed questions I didnt and never thought that he would ask. Foucault, he wanted me to include Foucault in my research. That name I know, but what I know is just a name. I was totally numb when he was pushing me to adopt foucauldian concept. How could I say yes or no when I didnt know foucault. I took an in between position and nodded my head without saying a word.

The final examiner was my promotor. He knew that I had been out of breath. He wrapped up all the concerns and added one light question before he finally concluded the examination. I didnt care about the result at that time, for the only important thing for me was to get over it. They sat again in silence before they asked me to wait outside.
I sat on the stairs outside, sweating all over. Thousands of fears were chirping around my head. I was only waiting for 5 minutes, but I felt like ages. My promotor opened the door. I was startled and stood. He threw a glance and invited me to get inside the room. The four of them gave me a deep look. I looked at each of them, expecting to read a sign of hope. But they were again blank. My promotor stood and walked to my desk. He stopped for a second and said: "Congratulation, you are now a doctorate candidate. You need to make corrections on your proposal and submitted to me within a two-week-time."

All of a sudden, the cold air turned warm. So were their faces as they smiled and shook my hands. I went outside the class and screamed. My friends who were waiting at the end of the stairs laughed in delight. The joy was so empowering that I felt like I owned the thousands of stars in the sky. For a moment it was a relief. When I say for a moment I really mean it for I realize that I still have another battle to be tamed.

Thursday, March 04, 2010


Yesterday I attended an official ceremony. The giant cubicle launched the learning centre. The CEO was there with 2 other member of the board and many other CEOs and directors. The ceremony itself ran like many other ceremonies, full with speeches.

The opening part in every speech is probably the longest and yet the less meaningful part of the speech. Every honorable guests have to be mentioned prior to the longest greetings that followed. I specifically timed it and it took one minute all together. Then came the main content. The content as always mentioned all the prestigious achievements of the institution. In simple language, this is how it sounds, we have done this, we have done that, and this is one among the few, and then followed by big applauses from the audience. In a glimpse, one get the impression that this is wouw....!!! However if you digest it slowly and dig it deeper, it's nothing but a series of number which later on will turn into ashes.

Then came the final part of the speech. It mostly comprises thankful expressions to those contributes to the program. And of course the name of the CEO and the member of the boards have to be there. The little guy who has done his utmost and contributed to most of it, is as always forgotten. He stood there smiling in the corner of the room, happy to see his product being adopted by the big people.

After the closing ceremony, then came the time when everybody went to their car. A light chit and chat went along the way. The CEO stopped for a while and gave a comment on a tree. Everyone directed their attention to the spot and gave similar comment. They all laugh together.

The CEO went into his car and off he went. The remaining of people took a deep breath and gave a long sigh of relief, gulping for the air of freedom.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

My words are mostly sharp. Yes I admit it! But you have to admit that my actions are very soft. I dont walk the talk. I just need to express my emotion. You may argue that being an adult I shouldnt have done it. Yes, again you are right. By hook or by crook, I am just an ordinary being of flesh and blood. I am familiar with the words, exhausted, sick and pain, and bored. I need new fresh air to breathe, and most of all I need a shoulder to cry on.
I am not like other parents. I dont even know if I am being good parents or not! I just try to be one. I cant be nearby all of you at the time that you need me most. I try to compensate though.... but I do understand that compensation is not always interpreted as 'compensation' in the way I mean it to be or you expect it to be.
I might not be the other part of him. Hell, I am not. If other try to find another shoulder to cry on, I only seek for another time and space to cry on. I dont prepare his coffe and sit next to him to watch a television program. I sit in my own isolation with my books and thoughts.
I am not a good daughter. Forgive me, Mama. I dont treasure you the way others treasure their parents. I get trapped in my own illusionary world. I sat on my own and become indolent. I know I'm gonna regret it should any bad things occur to you.
I am not a good sister. I focus on my own family and leave out my attention for my sister. I'm just affraid if I get too close then I would be drifted away by her problems. She is always in trouble. When I say always, I really mean it. It's not about luck, it is simply about atittude.
I am being nice to myself. Only!!!
When the devil speaks the truth, do you believe it???

I was flying rather than driving to campus yesterday. The last minute call to join a meeting had turned my schedule upside down. I had made an appointment with one of my co-promotor after office hours at 17.00. My supervisor suddenly called me and asked me to sit in a meeting to discuss our project. I was like sitting on a stove, wanting to contribute but at the same time had to dash off for my personal appointment.
It's not an ordinary day! On the 4th of March I will be defending my proposal for my postgraduate studies. Yesterday I had an appointment to discuss how the examination would be held. I was so late for the meeting ended at exactly 17.00. I texted my co-promotor and told her that I would be late. Lucky me that she responded nicely, but deep down I know that I would miss lots of my opportunity to discuss with her. And yes.... we only discuss the technical details of the examination and missed the opportunity to dig down the possible issues further. I told myself that I had to compensate the missing opportunity at nite.
I had ample slept last nite. I tried to concentrate and read the main literature that would support me on the 4th. However, I got so disorganized until it turned out to be an array of incomplete puzzles. Pheww... I drowned myself deeper.
When I dont know whatelse to do, the only thing that cross my mind is asking for God's intervention to assist me, though deep down inside I know that it's 'Ora et Labora'. Dear Lord... please help me to get over it, be it the sun or the moon, black or white, darkness or light.
I then tried to sleep, but woke up again, and decided to pray again. This time.....:"Dear Lord, forgive me, can I have the sun instead of the moon, and white instead of black, and the light instead of darkness??? Pleaseeeeeee...............????

Tuesday, March 02, 2010


The seminar was finally conducted and, yes, we managed to do it well. It is hard to imagine all the hustle and bustle that we had to go through, in preparation for the seminar. I was in charge of developing the term of reference and dealing with the presenters. It is easy for me to find the presenters, however, it is not easy to turn their tacit knowledge into explicit in the shape and string of thoughts that I want it to happen.

As from my personal opinion, I still find some areas that can be improved. The speakers and the Term of Reference should have been better alligned. (I was pointing my finger to myself). I could have made a more detailed Term of References and requested the speakers to submit their presentation material a week prior to the event. As such, I would be able to control the messages conveyed to the audience. So one improvement can hit two birds.

As for the place and event organization, we could have ended up in a more effiecient manner should we be able to make faster and smoother decisions and deal with all the vendors earlier. We were rushing at the last minute, lost our bargaining position and had to play along with any terms and conditions that had been offered to us.

I see the ray of hope rising in my horizon, I see the opportunity for me to do my own action. In the future I can run my own seminars, training and research. Whatever I am currently up to is nothing but fields of exercises to prepare my readiness. The future here I come...ready or not... I have to stand on my own feet.