Friday, November 04, 2011


Life is like the four seasoned weather. I used to know spring, and I have passed summer. Currently I'm facing autumn. The time when all the leaves turned yellow and brown, the time when all the leaves fall and slowly, gradually sucked by the earth.

These last days everything seems to be out of place. My son's program, my work, my daughter and my husband. The universe seems to be against my plan. I got transfered to another department. I used to be in this department, but then I had been in a different division. So, this is totally new to me. The reason why I got transfered is the biggest composed lie I have ever heard. But deep down I know why and so do everybody in the organization.

I had been busy to start my own business. I learn from an expert and that takes most of my time. Working on your own consume lots of energy. But then freedom is there. You are not judged based on your race nor are you judged based on your faith. You work with your brain and hands, not with your lips. I cant wait for my retirement so that I can focus on my own business and family.

My eldest, she's away in the land of her own. She is no where. She has to lead her own life, I dont want to bother her. I let her grow and be her own person. A bird told me that she has a job, which is good. Hopefully she remembers that her education is an investment to her future. Everything that's instant doesnt offer the best result. I have chanted the song in her ears ever since she was a baby, but it seemed that I had chanted too much. She chose her own way, life and friends. So be it. Sooner or later I have to let her go.

My second daughter, she's doing well. But need to be motivated or else she lost her focus. To be honest, there is no other kids of mine that could be compared to her. She helps me a lot by being independent. I dont have to spend too much energy on her and things work like magic. Thank you Lord, and thanks to you my love.

My son, all that I wrote is mostly about my son and my eldest daughter. I dont need to say much about him. I just feel a bit uneasy, for these last days I am too occupied with my work and business and left him behind with his program. Nobody took care of it. Previously my eldest used to help me, but now that she's gone, I have to take care everything on my own. I had a big fight with my husband about being in charge of the family.

My dessertation has also been neglected. I felt so guilty for not being able to cope with it on time. I began to scribble down again these last couple of days, and I'm doing quite an improvement. It's not that hard, I mean the chapter that I'm working on, but somehow, the me inside is not cooperating well with the external parts.

What need to be done? I have to go on with my business. For they will be my future. I will take sewing class on Saturday to equip myself with the ability to run the business. I will work on my dessertation, and I will definitely work on my son's program, encourage my daughter to move on and deep down inside I still miss my daughter and I could never forget her in any ways.

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