Thursday, September 25, 2014


Family has a special meaning to  everyone. They are the closest person in life. I am not an  exception. I love my family. I could not describe a typical relationships that occured among Ma, my sisters, my brother and me. I could not mention Pa, for he had run away from being a father to us. Pa is a word that bears no meaning  to me. Once or twice, I did wonder how it felt to have a father. But I'm used to it so it vanished into the thin air as life goes on. Ma has always been there for me. I remember riding in a becak when I was only 7 years. I sat on her  lap and listened to her heartbeat. Her pendant was glittering and glimmering as the becak rode accross the darkness of  the night. Why it sticks in my mind, I can  not explain. The most probable reason was her heartbeat.
As I grew up I felt that family was my elder sister, ma and me. We grew up together. We had fights for stupid reasons, the fights that bound us together. I pretended that I was older, because I knew she took me whoever and whatever I am. She loved me more than she loved herself. Her death was the greatest lost I have ever had. I remember  the moment when she held me in my arms and waited for mom at the place where they put her off from office bus. Mom  brought us a banana and we shared them together. As always my part was bigger than hers. I was not hungry, it happened because she let it happen. It was not the banana but it was the  feeling that she put me first rather than herself. (If you read this sis, I want to thank you for all the things that words can not describe).
My brother and my eldest sister were ways older than us. They had their own life and peers. They did not spend much time with us. There were times,  I asked myself how I felt for them. I could not describe the  feelings. I was like facing an  empty mirror in  which my reflection was not there. I could not describe what I saw, because I saw nothing.  Have I not shared some moments with them? I do and I did.
As I grew up my elder  sister brought me closer  to my brother. We spent a couple  of holidays together. I still remember the moment when my brother looked at both of us closely and deeply. He  suddenly spurred some words that hooked the fish in my heart. "I felt like a dream to have you  both here with me. I'm so happy. The words were so sincere but the look was more than everything.
I have my own family now. I have lost my elder sister. No more week end phone calls. No more nights where she cried in pains, no more complains, btw, both of us love to complain. I have only ma staying with me. She stays with me forever, from the day I was born until today. Let me call it forever, for if something happens to any of us, we have had shared our moments forever.

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