Friday, June 25, 2010


Dear Sister,

I'm sitting on my own in this lonely planet. I actually had a lot of papers to finish, but then my mind has stopped working. In fact it refuses to work these last days. A disturbed feeling has been toying my heart and made me ride on an emotional roller coaster. Is it because of the papers? Have my studies burnt my head and my mood? Is it me? or Is it my family? Is it my work? I am darn bored with everything.
I miss you sister! I really miss you sooo much. I don't know whom I can share my problems with. I hope you are doing well up there. I hope you are not in pain anymore. I feel so lonely.
Our brother is now at my home. My pain of loosing you has turned even worse, when I saw him. I remember the time when we visited him just for 3 days. We went to the cheese factory and we went to see our relatives. We went to see the flowers in Lisse. Those were happy times. I remember him watching you and I closely and deeply. I remember his expression when he said, I could hardly believe that both of you are here with me. I had to admit that I was so happy at that time.
Remember when we, mom, our brother, you, the kids and I, spent our holiday at Rosa's place together? You and I had a big fight. I told you that I don't need you for I think you were taking over my freedom. I regret saying those things sister. At that time, I really felt that you were squeezing us too much. I know that you didn't really mean to do it. But that's what you are. You always try to lead. In most cases I had been so proud of you sister and I love you.
I can not mention the moments one by one... since they are so many... and they are all beautiful moments. I still have those stories about our holiday in New York, then another one in LA. That one I was with my children and Mom. Thank you sister...for all the love, for all the beautiful moments.
Forgive me sister, forgive me God. I couldn't be there for you when you needed me most. You just don't know how painful I felt inside, how much I regret myself for not being able to be close to you. And it hurts even more when your husband told me that until the last 5 minutes of your life, you were still waiting for me. I would do anything just to turn the clock back to the past and be there for you. I swear I didn't know that you were in your final stage at that time. I couldn't put myself on the plane. It was the highest season of the year, it was December sister, it was Christmast. Your husband told me that I am the one you love most in your life. I love you too sister.
Your daughter told me that your family celebrate christmast in your bed, because you were to weak to move. I know all those stories, a couple of months after you passed away. When I talked to you, you sounded not good, but then it happened a couple of times and you got better again. You wanted me to come in April 2010, because you assumed by that time you would have been better and we both could have traveled together.
Sister, you still owe me a trip together to Europe. We planned it two years ago before you knew that you suffered from CA. Then we postponed it to the following year, then we postponed it again to 2010. April has passed sister. June has almost passed. I don't miss Europe, I don't miss Greece, I miss you, our being together, laughing, gossiping and sometimes we had little fights that glue our heart even stronger.
Sister, time is flowing aimlessly, I miss you and miss you.... and miss you even time goes by I realize even more how much you mean to me...

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