Monday, June 13, 2016


I used to be a hunter. A hunter who hunts for money. I was so so afraid that my children would suffer. A hunter never gets home, not until he/she has managed to catch an animal. So I work from morning till late at nite. By the time I arrived home, the kids were all asleep and my husband as always sat in front  of the television set. We did not say much to  each other. I cleaned myself and say one or two words before I felt asleep. Sometimes I even slept in my son's bedroom.
Retirement has brought a new chapter into my life. The hunter instinct was still there, but it was not boiling as it used to. I began to carefully observe what I had achieved. We have all what we need, in fact sometimes more than what we need. However, those belongings have never taken me anywhere. The house felt  so cold and yet it felt so hot.
I sat quietly in the garden and let my mind wonder. I began to see the picture of my life turning into holes. So many holes that make it impossible for me to fix them one by one. Not when I'm alone. I began to search for my companionship. I found him sitting with another companion. Laughter and happiness were crafted on his face. Apparently that was how he spent the empty days. I looked in dismay but my heart was crying. I had to fight for my right.
I patted him on his shoulder. Both of them looked at me with surprise. His companion startled and tried to escape. I hold her hand and reminded her not to come back. Then I turned my face to my husband. I saw two hollow eyes were looking at me, craving for my touch. Thousands of guilts swiped over my mind. What have I done to him, to them, and most of all to myself. I held his hand and we walked to the  garden. The garden had been neglected for so long. The bushes were all over. We began to clean it although we know it's not easy. Some of  the trees have died and turned into a solid stone, some are nothing but a thorny bushes.
We sat together in the garden tonite. We watch the fire burn some of the waste, but we realize that heaps of waste were waiting for our hand to fix them. May God forgive us and bless us as we decided to continue our journey. The stop was a bit too long. It ends without us realizing that we have never moved an inch.

No comments: