Monday, July 16, 2012


My son started his new day in his new school. I got back home from Bandung. So we talked in his room. A calendar was on the desk. It was his school calender in his previous school. While I was adjusting the sound to the proper volume, he took the calender and suddenly he dropped it again. He said, I dont want to think about it anymore.
His statement was like a thunder that stroke my head. I couldn't believe that he made such a statement. Things must not be easy on him to move to the new surroundings and school. I definitely didn't want my son to be sad. So I gave him a hug and he cried in my arms. God, please take extra care of my son's heart. You put him in my hand a couple of years ago and I have always handled him with extra care. Now that my hands are not strong enough to carry his heart, do you think you can carry his heart in your arms? Please God, I beg you to help him grow.
I talked to my son and told him that within another two year time, I am going to retire. When the time arrives, his previous school is going to be too expensive for us. There is one of the reasons of transferring him to the new school. But the main reason was more for him. My boy needs a school that can help him grow and become his own person. 
I remember my conversation with the headmaster. 
HM: "What do you expect of your son?" 
Me: "I don't expect anything for he will have his own life. I just want him to be independent and be able to take care of himself. I am the one to be blamed for what happens to him. I spoil him. I handle him with extra care, and at the same time I did not teach him to be a grown up."
HM:  "We will be there to help you but you have to help him before we can help you."
Later when you grow up my son you probably will have a chance to read this piece. I want you to know that I have never meant to hurt you or made you sad. I want you to grow up and become your own person. It's just that I don't know which is the best way for you. Yesterday I thought the previous school was the best for you, then I changed it again to this new one. I have to admit that I kept on changing my plan, but trust me they are all based on my love for you and my intention to let your grow and become a real man out of a boy.

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