DONT PUT YOUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET

There should always be an option or plan B. You can not just rely on one fixed plan. There are so many uncontrollable facts, either people or situations. Situations can  change anytime. It arrives without any warnings. Suddenly it's there in  front  of your door. You have to be ready wether you like  it or not. People also change. The person that you rely on will suddenly be not there anymore. If you have one single option  in your life, you definitely will  loose everything.

I have always thought that I'm going to build my career with the gigantic institution. I travelled days and nights dedicating my passion  and sweat. I might not  be as bright as those who had been claimed to be bright. However, I had left my traces there. I produced something, I dont just play around with the image of being bright.

After so many and many years, I realized that the place was actually not meant for me. Along the way, I began  to loose my passion and in my final years I worked just to earn my cents. I realize that my passion  and love for the gigantic cubicle is just a simulacra. I thought I'm part of it, in  fact it refuses  me to be part of it. The final years were a torturing moments. I had to strive very hard to wake up and pushed myself even harder to go to work. Entering the gate was like entering a torture chamber. The money was good, I have to admit it. But that's all that you  can  get. Sell your soul to the devil and earn money.

Love life does not differ much from other dimensions of life. Never give your heart to one man. You  still have other hearts to share with. Your family, desserted children, elderly people. Focusing  on just one heart will leave you with the risk of being hurt when your one and only hope changes. Keep some extra love for the rest. In the end, when your one and  only hope leave you, the rest will catch you. What do you have to offer to the rest? The left over or the crumbs?

 

 

THIS IS MY COUNTRY

There are many versions of being Indonesian, or living in Indonesia. The versions vary, depends on  the experience of each person. Below is based on my experience:

YOU ARE IN INDONESIA IF

1. The traffic light has just  turned yellow and the cars behind you blow their horns as if you have been there for ages. Time is so precious, you have to deal with time efficiently, that's the key message.
2. Patience is everyone's middle name. Sometimes a stranger can claim that your property is theirs and block your access to your property. Justice will definitely be considered for everyone. Have patience. A thorough investigation will be conducted and eventually you will have your access back if you know how to  behave and what to do.
3. The definition of money  is not just a current medium of exchange in the form of coins and banknotes, but it is the password to your life. When you  are  in dangers, all you have to do is "buy" your life.  
4. Show your empathy to all motorcyclist during the rainy season.  Do not drive underneath the bridge. The bridge is a shelter to protect them from  the rain.  Oops... let me make some corrections. It's not only during the rainy season, during all seasons. In a hot summer day, dont let them suffer too long, let them drive fast, even at the cost  of your car. To those who walk, remember, sharing is our culture, so share the pedestrian path with them and show your understanding when they honk for they have to be home soon.
5. Private and public life are kept in balance. Everybody's life is everybody's concern. This is a communitarian society.  People will focus and put extra effort to provide you with wise words and advices when you hit the ladder of success. However they will keep it as your private life when you are  in trouble. It's all yours. Enjoy!
6. Riding in a public transportation is so much fun. It's like a free entertainment place. Most of  the time a stranger will board on it and play you songs until you are moved and spare your coins with them. Not much just coins. You wont be richer if you keep the coins, that's the Indonesian wise proverb. Oops... angkot or public cars have also their on versions to tell. They make sure that the passengers are served. They wait for everyone to board into the angkot before they depart, be it at the green traffic light or in  the middle of the street. They also pick all passengers, in all places. Not only those who  wait at the bus stop are served, but everybody. When I say everybody, I really mean it. What a sevice! Nice, arent they?
7. At work, tolerance is unbelievable high. People respect each other if you are of  the same race, religion, or graduate from the same university, or even if you are of the same batch of  recruitment. They collaborate and coordinate to help each other, at all cost to save their friends.

 There are many things to share. However, this  is my country. I may share all the public secrets but have to keep private  secrets in  the closet.

GOD'S RIGHTEOUS JUDGMENT

God “will repay each person according to what they have done.” To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life.  But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger.  
There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile;  but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For God does not show favoritism.

WHAT DO YOU WANT LADY?

Before I took my retirement I had thought life was going to be simpler for  me. Time to enjoy my life. I wanted to do the things I want to do. I wanted to travel, I wanted to inhale the air of freedom and I wanted to teach children, I wanted to write books, I wanted to finish my dissertation, I wanted to cook for I love cooking. I wanted to take care of my son and mom. There are so many wants.

After my retirement, I cooked , I lecture and teach, I work on my dissertation, I travel, but I miss one thing, the air of freedom! The things that previously imagined were part of my freedom, has now turned into obligation. Another job if I may say.

Cooking which was my passion has begun to  strangle me. There was a time when I received orders beyond these two hands can  cope. I felt like it was the end  of my day. From that time, I told everyone that we would not take too much orders. Just enough so that we can manage it.

I am in charge of a project, teacher preparation for the new semester. It's a three month project. Knowing that these hands of mine were full, I invited friends to join. Working in a group has never been easy. Especially when I have to conduct the project. So, I ended up attending the project almost everyday to control the quality. Seven different people, each with their own style  of teaching, will definitely impact the result of the project. We'll see the end result in June 13, 2014. Are they really progressing ?

My desire to lecture has brought me back to my campus. I started teaching right after I retired. Beautiful isn't it! yes to some extent. But material preparation consumed so much of my time. They are graduate students so better be ready for any possibilities. So far, I can managed it well, but could have been better if I only focus on this area.

My dream of having my school has also brought me to a chaotic situation. Setting up a new school, curriculum, furniture, teacher, place, teaching material are all the piled of work that need to be done. Along the course  of time, I tried to get some help. So far, I have to do  things myself. Lucky enough, the nature conspires with all good intentions. I received lots of helps from people around me. So far, I have found a spot to start my school, I had done the first and second level of my curriculum, I have developed some teaching materials and have found a teacher. I am almost done with the furniture.

Hopefully it gets done  on time for the  opening, which is going to be in September.

My dissertation, this is an area of which I'm very weak at. It's hard for me to focus. Every time I try to focus, new problems pop up. Well... I have to...I'm half way through, there is no point of return. I have to ...I have to... I have to...., I told  myself. But saying does not mean finishing. So sit down and focus!!!!!

Travelling.... gosh...my plan to travel with my eldest has vanished into the thin air. We were supposed to travel in April. But I got caught up in  the middle of work. I still managed to handle my promise  to my second daughter that I would visit her. Here I am, writing down this piece in my daughter's bed room in Australia. I stayed here only for a week, for I have to take care of my project, my school, my lectures and my family. I have planned to travel with my family  in June.  Hopefully it works well.

My mom and my son were the two most understandable people on  earth. Thank you  for having you both, you both have tons of patience. I have to admit that I do not spend much of my quality time with them, and I only spare some  of  my time with them. The true fact is, they take care of me rather than the other  way round. Forgive  me God.... will do  my best.

Now... what do you want lady? If you  can not decide your mind, time will decide for you!! 

YOU ARE THE COLOR OF YOUR CARD

It's the color that make you and I different. I have noticed it for sometimes. It turns softer in one dimension of your life and appears again in another  dimension. Racial  difference. Efforts were contributed to get rid of  it. It's still there, still strong although not as strong as it had been before. However, whatever got shunted will not subside. It appears with a new face, a softer face but still kills.

In the place where I used to work, people were differentiated based on the color of their name tag. The level of respect granted was based on the color of your name tag. You are your  name tag. if you loose your name tag because you are retired or because you  quit to be part of the organization, dont expect to be respected. You are suddenly a stranger, lost  in the jungle of disrespectful people.

My previous office was not the only place. There was a case when I tried to find a parking spot. I stopped in front of a bank in which I was a client. A security guard approched and asked, are you a prime member? I asked him in  dismay, what do you mean by prime member? Are you a platinum member? he asked me again. I said, oh...you mean my card? He nodded firmly. I then realized that I'm not the chosen one. So...I drove my car to find another parking spot, a more suitable parking spot for my type of card.

Similar treatment are also part of my travelling experience. I waited in the lounge of an airline for my ticket. A crowd of people were waiting for their turn. Some could not get a seat. Behind me there is a waiting room that looks cozy. The room was empty and cookies and drinks were served on the table. I saw two ladies and their drivers. I knew they were the drivers for they went in and out, asking questions for "Nyonya" to the security guard who happened to be standing next to my seat. The cozy room are indeed cozy, and in front they put a large notice: Executive Platinum Member Only. Oops....

We get so used to be treated differently based on  your color of cards, that we take it as a common practice. A condition provided based on the amount of money that you contribute to the service provider. Service which was derived from either French or Latin originated from the word servus or slave. Those who are supposed to be our "slave" tell us the type  of service that we can have. It's not their duty to serve us. It is our duty to buy their service based on the tagged price. We are enslaved by the service that we buy based on  colors. So... you are the color of your card!

ALTRUISM FOR 2014

In 2014 I need to be more focused. I have decided that my focus for 2014 is altruism. It is not at all a new idea. It has been there for ages and I have been trying to implement it in my life. In 2014, it's going to be different. It will be my the one and sole focus. I will observe how others are doing it, learn from them and implement it.

This morning I took my son to the soccer game. I sat nearby the field and watched my son. Once in a while, my attention was diverted toward the passers by. A group of soccer team came nearby. Apparently they were the next team to play after my son. They attraced my attention, because 3 coaches were high school students from an International School. They tried hard to communicate in Indoonesian with the team comprising Indonesian children. They definitely did their best for their Indonesian was not too good but still the communication worked. They were giving instructions what to do if once their turn to play arrived.

My curiosity grew deeper as they opened a box and provided food for the children to eat. You could say right away that they were more than just happy with the food. I began to scrutinized them one by one and noticed the graphic on their shirt. So, these children belong to the international school. Another question popped up in my mind right away: Why didn't they speak English? They couldn't be students from that International School. I swiped my eyes through their faces and opened my ears widely. I began to hear the language of the street children. My mind began to draw inferences. I got closer to the children and asked them questions.

The children were from the villages nearby the International School. The students were taught how to lead and share with others. In my son's school, the students are the players, but in  this school, the students are the ones who create players out of the children from the nearby villages. That's altruism in my opinion. That's freedom in Fromm's concept of freedom. I have planned to teach altruism as one of the values in my school. Today I get a clue on how to include it in my programs.  Welcome altruism!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

I sat on  the porch in this early morning. I am enjoying the accompany of darkness and the moments of new year. The cold morning rainy air stung  my skin. My entire body shuddered.  It overpowered me, yet tt has lost its supremacy to add scent to the earth.

I love to see  the different view and feel  an unusual ambiance of the new year.  Stillness is wrapping the cold earth with its wings.  Tranquility dominated the earth. The dim blurry lights of the night were still on duty,  doing the utmost to survive in  the darkness.  Why the light was trying to be in the opposing position to  the darkness is beyond my comprehension. Darkness has its own beauty.It unveil  the secrets that have always been thwarted to reveal.  Relying on our eyes and pushing the daylight to appear through  the  lights make the power of  the perceptions subside.

I close my eyes and open my ears widely. I push my sensitivity to my skin and make it be on duty. Slowly I begin to hear  the clamours and clatters of the  night. The new year party is on. The crickets are blowing the trumpets  and the fireflies are firecrackling among the wet and wild grassy field. The bloodsucker insects whom I have been well  acquintaced with hum gleefully  in my ears.  They are not as many as they used to be, but they are there and contribute to the orchestra of  the dark.

The cold breeze arrives gently and drop some droplets of water on my skin. It penetrates my pores and inflitrate deep into my skin. It stimulates the warmth of my body to emerge and  creep soothingly throughout my entire body.  A warm cordial  night is here to greet  and me.  Welcome to the secret of the darkness, you have managed to tame it  and Happy New Year. The coming year will certainly be a combination of darkness and brightness,  the darkness is a new friend and the brightness is an old friend. We are all friends.

GOOD BYE DECEMBER

The  last day of December 2013. Time for reflection, to many. I am  enjoying the biting moments of the final day of 2013. Let me count my blessings along the year and thank God for them.

1. The last year of  working in  the gigantic cubicle and I will be out of the atmosphere that has been  part of me soooo long. Imagine 30 years.

2. I have finally made up my mind on what to do for the end is not the ending. I'm happy with what I choose although I know that I will be going  through winding and bumpy roads. I had been there even.

3. My daughter received lots of blessings. Opportunities that not many people have. She did. Im proud of her. In  fact I'm proud of all my children this year. They did their share as a child and as adults.

4. My mom is in a healthy condition. Thanks God, 91 years and she's going to be 92. That's something.

5. I have a white pinkish christmast trees full of angels and fairies. Hope they will be there again next christmast in a different color theme.

6. I made some of my dreams come true and that's getting rid of my excess bagage that has been boggling my mind throughout the year

7. I learn to appreciate and push myself to work with the details. Not much progress though, for the beginning is always hard. but one or two our are at least on the  right track.

 

Next year will be the one of the toughest year of my life. Fostering my new "baby", finishing my dissertation and becoming who I am. A wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, and His child. Good bye December, you might be the last this year, but next year will bear another you, although not the same you.  

 

LUCKY NUMBER

I wrote down in one of my post about number 555 or 55 that seemed to be following me. Every time I turned my eyes to the clock those numbers are there. Often when I focused on a number, 555 or 55 are exposed to my sight. I am not a strong believer in superstitious signs, but I do read them, be it accidentally. Like many other people, I try to link those numbers with bad omen.

 

Indeed at the age of 55 many bad incidents occured in my life. One after another, putting a lot of pressures on me. Amidst all the gravities that pulled me down I managed to push myself above the water and find for a reason  if not a rescue. I get hold to any objects that could keep me afloat. I knew that I sounded desparate by rattling and mumbling, but sometimes those words are not meant to be understood semantically for they are bear no correspondence to the reality. 

 

I had a talk with my second daughters, confirming her that all those bad lucks that fall upon me really happen at the age of 55. She disputed against me and said, I believe all the good things will fall upon you at the age of 55. Create your own positive self fulfilling prophecy.

 

In memory of my deceased brother in law, the pastor preached about the bitterness of the water and the complains that were directed to him during the flight out of Egypt. The bitterness was then turned into sweetness. The bitterness are there for a  reason. They are there to  make us appreciate the sweetness of life. Give me any number now and I will turn them into my lucky number. Bitter and sweet are there for my sake for developing myself into a complete person.

HE LOVES ME

He loves me

He loves me not

 He loves me
He loves me not

He loves me
He loves me not

He loves me
He loves me not

He loves me
He loves me not

........

 

 http://www.naturestealeaf.com/

THE TIME TO TAKE THE PICTURES OFF THE WALL

My mother is 91. That's really incredible. I dont think I want to be that old, for I can not imagine myself sitting on my own listening to the loud deafening silence. The symptons of loneliness has begin to crawl on my skin and bite my brains. I can not describe how it is, yet, I can feel it inside.

 

As it knocks at my door, the nights turns longer than daylights. Reading books do not automatically take me to the dreamland as it used to be.  I stare at the ceiling and grab any thoughts that drifted across my mind. Sometimes the thoughts pull my heart even deeper into the ocean  of discomfort and some other times, it helps me to ease the uncertainty slightly until the curfew falls.

 

In such situation, the past is always the most comfortable spot. I go through the pictures  of my children on  the wall of  my heart. When they were born, I almost complained for  not having my own private time. As time goes by, they brought so much pleasure to my life. My bed had witness the ecstacy of life, the moments when they crawl, brag, smile, laugh, cry, the  moments when they are thoughtless and I was senseless. I complained, yet my heart danced.

 

Season  changes, they all grow up. My princess is busy with her work, my big baby is busy with her studies, my handsome prince spend most of his time outdoor. They have found their own world and developed their own individualities. Soon they will put the pictures of their own children on the wall of their own hearts.

 

My bed is empty, and my room felt a bit too big for me. God decides my time, but if I may choose my own time, give me the opportunity to witness their wedding bells. I dont want be like  my mother. She  has to carry all the pictures around, be it mine, my deceased sister, my brother whom she hardly sees and my eldest sister. It amazes me to watch her deal with the unbearable silence moments. If I have a choice, their wedding bells are probably the proper time. After that I will take  their pictures off and bury them inside my graveyard.

HELLO OCTOBER

A soft softwhisper was knocking at my door
awaken me of my jolly dream
The veranda was lifeless and empty
A gust of wind gently touched my face

A vibrant multi color leaf was at my porch
She bowed gracefully
And began to chant beautifully
The glorious song of time filled the air

Hello, Im October
the wind has brought me here
to sing you the message of nature
to bring you the spirit of elevation

the blossoming flowers have gone
so have the moist green grassy field
the sunny days are yawning
indistinct shadows  will soon dwell

seek not for June
June has departed
Here I am October
arriving to deliver the magical mantra

The glowing colors of autumn
the golden moments of silence
the captivating solemn instants
That echo your own thoughts

Open your soul and let me in
For winter will soon be here
Removing the unfinished contemplations
and freezes them forever

INTELLECTUAL LEADERSHIP

I have been working in the gigantic cubicle for almost 30 years. One significant thing that I have noticed is to watch people exercising their power with language. It’s even more interesting to watch how people are dominated and respond to it. The gigantic cubicle has its own ways and stories.

it’s still clear in my mind when the newly appointed previous master of the cubicle, address his speech of welcome a couple of years ago. He was expecting the entire troops of the cubicle to transform themselves into intellectual leaders of the  nation. As many other political speech they tend to be vague and moving. He blew spirit into his words and the words become alive in everyone’s memory. Unfortunately nobody could explain what intellectual leaders were. So what actually happened at that time, all the text, be it oral and written text mentioned intellectual leaders and put their own intepretation into it. The words are too beautiful and powerful. It’s better to leave them unquestioned and fill the empty spot of meaning with each own interpretation.

My boss is not an exception. He translated the expression into a program. A series of benchmarking to many countries were planned. He said, we have to be intellectual leaders in this nation. It is important that we upgrade outselves so as to be able to walk in front and be the walking leaders  for this country. He proposed the plan and it was approved for it bears the label intellectual leaders on top. The word of the master and the power that it beared was interpreted to serve his self interest. Benchmarking to a number of countries is equal to perdiem in US dollars. The gigantic cubicle is notorious for providing decent perdiem. The power behind the words, worked like a gaze. They made people stop to think and obey the words. Some actually doubt, but they murmured behind the curtain as to be able to avoid the gaze. They wanted to look just like the rest “ordinary” people, who admires and adores the words.

 I went to the master himself and asked him:”What do you mean by intellectual leaders?” He explained to me beautifully.  In a moment I was caught by the charms of his explanation. Once I went out of his room, I realize, he was not explaining anything, he was just showering me with the spirit of his words.  In short, allow me to say, he did not really know what he meant by those words and therefore he could not pinpoint his expectations at the operational level.  The empty words carry the master's powerand everyone was busy interpreting it to cater their self interest.

 

 h

THE NEW SCHOOL CURRICULUM

 There are 5 main reasons why I am against the implementation of the 2013 currriculum.

The first is the fact that the curriculum was designed by a technician the so called  assistance to  the minister who majors in technology. Being a technician he strongly believes that education works in a mechanistic manner. Moral, knowledgge and performance are three linear actions. Excellent performance is the function of moral and knowledge. Knowledge is nothing without morals. So morals will be the main focus. If a student  excell in morals they will defintely excell in knowledge. Since morals and knowledge are  a function of performance, the impact  will contribute to performance. Linearity does not work in social issues.

The second, what is moral ? Moral is religion. Therefore religion will dominate the curriculum. In every modules children are taught about the greatness of God. The sun, the success, the rain are the gift of God. I have no objection so far. Not until the statement  of the Minister came accross my mind. When the final examinations in some parts of Indonesia were rescheduled, the Minister said, this  is a temptation. Moses had to face temptation, so do I. Another example came from a small city, Situbondo. Nimas Puspitaningrum failed the final  exam because she held a topless picture of her boyfriend. Sudirman has another story to tell, he was refused to join the final exam because he got married before the final exam. Nimas and Sudirman are disqualified for lack of moral values. God has to be considered for his greatness, but God's name  will also be used to protect one's or group's personal interest.

The third,  the designer of the 2013 curriculum believes that his curriculum will boost students creativity (I dont know what his argumentation is, but this is definitely hillarious). Morals provide an open space to set personal agenda. People do things, because their ideology has been  set according to an agenda. Creativity? Creativity was aimed to foster the agenda, it's not creativity in a real  sense, it is creativity set to accomplish an agenda.

The fourth, students are obliged to use the distributed books. I am not being sceptical, but history indicates that governance aspect is the main issues. Hopefully this  is not a project designed to financially support the forthcoming election. I have every reasons to be sceptical. The final exam is just one example. The library in  one of state university is another example. I believe this issue contributed the second biggest impacts on our education.

The fifth, the issue of quality teacher is actually the  main issue. Whatever the curriculum is, as long as the teacher is well prepared and of quality, I dont see no issue.

Developing the new curriculum is a response to a sympton without understanding the real  issue of our education.

IRON MAN 4

If you expect to read critic or comments on Iron Man 3 the 2013 American superhero film featuring the Marvel Comics character Iron Man, you’d better skip my blog. Aside from the Iron Man movie,  Yuki Irawan is probably one of the most sought after celebrity lately.  Right before the launching of Iron man 3 and the labour day, the confinement factory worker in  Lebak Wangi was unfolded.  Yuki Irawan was accused of conducting slavery.

About 25 people were forced to work from 06.00 to 24.00. During the long working hours, only lunch and dinner were provided. At nite, they were transported in a locked van to a 8 x 6 square meters room to rest on a piece of traditional matras.  The only available toilet is the  dirty and smelly space. Television set or air controller such  as fan are the luxury that the factory does not recognize. Some of them suffer from severe skin desease, for the only clothes are  the one that they wear day and night.  Terror and insults are on their daily menu.  Tempo, 8 May 2013 has covered a testimony of workers whose hands are full of cuts and bruises because they worked too slow and the guard punished them by throwing chemical substance to their hands. Mind you, they are unpaid workers.

Yuki Irawan , the frying pan man,deserves to  be nominated as the iron man 4  for being public eye opener to the public and provide access to question the performance of the government and the related groups and parties. Ministry of ManPower and Transmigration, the Labour Union, and many other pressure groups associated with labour are giving comments and throwing critics to the incident.  Nice to hear all the statements, but the main question: where have you all been?  You were the chosen ones who are expectted to do your job instead of focusing on media coverage.

Yuki and all his senseless and foolish deeds is a blessing in disquise. Unless this iron man releases his movie, the public would not get a peek on the performance of all the chosen men.  I personally believe Yuki is not the  only Iron man. There are some if not many. I  might be wrong and only time can  tell.

 

WHITE ROSES

Dear Princess,

A bouquet of white roses for you

Mommy love you

PRAYER OF A MOTHER FOR HER DAUGHTER

Let me tell you a secret my princess! There has never been a moment in  which I forget any of my children. The three of you are all MY children. Children should be treated like children, with love and extra care! I agree! But children do not remain children throughout their entire life. Children have to grow up and become their own person. It's time for them to share their love and care to others. I guess the time is now yours my dear.

A mother will always think of what's best for the children. At least in her own version  of "best". You have chosen to choose your own life and share it with your own choice of man. It has got to be that way isnt it? Yes, I agree with you. Go and take your path that you believe in. I will stop saying no. I will let you go. I just want to remind you that this is no point of return.

Your eyes are blinded by love. You cant see the difference between black and white. I know what he did to you my angel. It is not easy to say that I believe the future will even be worse. My belief could turn into a prayer. A prayer of a mother, should never be expressed in anger. I dont want bad curse to fall upon you.

A marriage will be of good times and  bad times. I hope that your life will full of good times. My door and my heart will always be with you in  bad times. And when the bad time really arrives, my door is always open for you, only you. I know who he is and what he wants from you, I will never let him have his ways. Not when these arms of mine are still strong to protect you. This is not just a promise. But this is a prayer of a mother for her daughter.

TO MY PRINCESS

Have I not been a good mother ?
Tell me so my dear
Throw away all your fears
I am all ears

Dont use any riddle
nor play any puzzle
Say it plain
I cause you pain

shed no more tears
waste no more years
Follow your  love
follow your dove

fly my princess fly
conquer your blue sky
I'll sing you a lullaby
A song of good bye

THE STORY BEHIND A LITTLE FISH POND

All of a sudden a new fish little pond is on the front yard of the gigantic cubicle. In the middle of the grassy field with a row of trees on one side hampering in front of the twin towers were the spot where they put the pond. Through the glass wall of the pond you can see a number of Koi fish swimming. I am not a landscape designer but I dont really see the point why it should have been there. It reminds me of a small black pimple on someone's face. An unwanted object that people are trying to get rid of. I happened to be not the only person who hold this view.

Words travel fast. The little tiny pond became a topic of discussion. All the puzzles were then assembled and a big secret is revealed. A secret which is actually a public secret. A story that had been whispered from ears to ears. In front of our office there lies a statue of a man holding a bow with an arrow. Some people began to believe that the arrow was directed to our office and that was the reason for all the bad lucks that lately came upon my office. After consulting a shaman, that tiny little pond was built to shield my office from the arrow.

The shaman was another story. As many other offices, we hold a gathering once in a year. A couple of years a go, the gathering was suddenly scheduled not too long after the regular annual gathering. Amongst all the unspoken questions that boggled in our mind, we all went to the gathering. That gathering was a little bit different. Instead of having outdoor fun activities, we were all gathered in one huge hall. We sat down on the floor, and our director sat on a small stage with a stranger. The man was obviously honored by my director, for she listened and looked at him with such great respect.

My boss introduced the man as an expert in leadership development. He began to speak the language of wisdom and in the background soft calming tunes filled the air. He invited us to reflect on our past, think of all our sins and ask for God's forgiveness. The gentle voice at the beginning gradually turned into pressures. He wanted us to feel guilty and completely surrender  and cry. Some who did not believe raised their heads and had to meet his sharp gaze. Most of the people in the hall were crying. Those who didn't bow their heads down and pretended to cry.

Later on I shared the experience with some friends. Apparently that was quite a common trend in my office. Most of the female leaders were all controlled by that same man who happened to be a shaman. In the past you can differentiate shaman from his attire, but today's shamans are dressed casually. You can't see the difference. Some share a story in which the shaman had been asked to select who were illegible for promotion. Another friend whose husband was seriously ill was asked by her boss to see the shaman. They even shared their private life with the shaman and he provided solutions to their personal life. The more stories they shared the more they become the slave to the shaman.

What a fenomena! Most of them are female in the top positions. Maybe the burden on the top is too heavy and Mr. Shaman arrives at the right time, a shoulder you can count on. They forget that there is always a price that you have to pay. It's probably not your money but it is definitely yourself, your freedom.

TEMPTATION

Dear Lord,

Thank you for putting me into this temptation. Shape me Lord so as I can turn into your reflection. Mould me Lord as to be able to accept the unbearable things of being. I understand that I bestow myself into the hands of Sin in some occasion. Purification is what you are intending to do. Give me strength Lord! Let me go through this temptation and still remain your child Lord.
Thank you Lord. Amen!

SEMANTIC GAMES

Words have no corresponding references. That's a common game nowdays. A semantic game I might say. Words, such as truth, justice, integrity, honesty are of broad meanings have become objects of semantic games. If you remember the story of 4 blind men describing an elephant, that's what I meant by semantic game. Who can describe an elephant best? All of them and none, for each describe a part that represent an elephant and that doesnt represent an elephant completely. However in the mind of each blind man, that's an elephant and that's the best way to describe an elephant. Are we looking for a social consensus or are we looking for an individual reference? The semantic game is putting an individual view as social consensus. Power plays a crucial role here. Unless power is there it wont be easy to play this game.

The word female has lately been the object of semantic games. In Aceh for example, Suaidi Yahya, a former member of the Free Aceh Movement (GAM), announced the local administration's plan. "The government is only preserving morals. Women must not straddle motorbikes because it provokes the male drivers," declared Yahya, who has been in office for eight months. Provoking is a two way actions. It takes two to tango. It is impossible to provoke unless somebody give reactions to the provocations and get provoked. Another issue, straddling motorbikes,  is it meant to provoke? Suaidi Yahya is trying to escalate his individual view to be accepted as social consensus.

Another semantic games on female was launched by Muhammad Daming Sunusi.During a fit and proper test for Supreme Court justice candidates at the House of Representatives on Monday, Daming made a shocking statement that some rape cases might involve consensual sex and require more lenient sentences. Although he later regreted his words, but the game has been launched and it's there. It is risky to give room to Mr. Sunusi for his language or his games reflect his shallow individual view. Becoming A supreme Court justice will provide him with a room to spoon fed his individual view into social consensus (forcefully!).

The scandal of Garut Regent which is gradually fading away is also another example. Aparently he has managed to curb his scandal on legal issues. Ethical issues which are the main course of the scandal are shunted sideways and forgotten. His case of marrying a young ignorant girl that lasted only for 4 days is almost buried into the graveyard. Thanks to the semantic games, the legal issues are now at the forefront and not much evidence can serve legals issues. The young girl has signed an agreement with Mr. Regent. She's not going to sue him and he gave her a sum of money in return. This is another semantic game!

With the assistance of power, the winner can and will manage to implant his individual perception into everyone's mind. Sooner or later it will turn into a gaze that make everybody believe in it. The voice within fades away and slowly died. What's the difference between a human and a robot?

LIFE OF PI

Two thumbs up for Life of Pi! Lately I have hardly seen any movies of similar quality to Life of Pi. The Hours was probably one that was close to it. Aside from the breathtaking cinematographic angles that contribute to the success, the story itself is so amazing. Similar theme had once been brought to the movie screen based on the award winning Novel written by John Steinbeck, "Of Mice and Man."

What is the difference between an animal and a man? Life of Pi offers two choices of leading life to the viewers. In time of depressed an animal tend to attack and kill other being, be it man or animal. As with human being, the ability to reflect and think, provides human being with the ability to control him/herself and spend efforts in finding harmless solutions. The movie ends with an enigmatic open plot, it all depends on the viewer to make a choice between being human or non-human.

Reality is not much difference than the theme. The choices lies open whether we choose to be human or non human. Amazing enough, that many choose the later be it an a direct or indirect manner.  Pi decides to keep his existence as a human being and managed to deal with Richard Parker, the Bengali Tiger. They both survived and collaborated until the end of their journey. The ones who are in favor of the opposite are easy to spot. The case of Angelina to take one example, she was accused and sentenced for corruption. She chose a short cut to reach for her dream. Did she "take" what belong to other people? The court proved yes though indirectly. The rape and brutal beating of the woman, who died of severe internal injuries in India is definitely another blattant example. The 6 "animals" deserve to be treated like any "animals" should. Politics is a  fertile soil to harvest the state of being non-human. One attacking the other is an ordinary news in the media. You hardly spot an article in which they use their intelligent to win a situation. It's not about how to show your existence and stand out among the crowd, it's more on how to pull down the rest so that the animal in you can stand higher. I've seen friends turn into enemies at work, I have experienced sisters that turn into strangers in families, I have witness, children turned hostile for the sake of material wealth.

Life of Pi is just another movie, but it is also a different movie. It stripped you out with a question: which one are you?

ADDITIONAL HOURS FOR RELIGION

Student brawls. That was the beginning. Then came the genious ideas from the ministers' genious mind. A simple linear concept, fighting brawls with additional religion hours in schools. Based on such a simplisitic ideas they made it happen. The 2013 curriculum will add some other hours for religion.

Prior to these genious ideas, they cut off the curriculum. At the elementary level, 10 subjects were reduced into 6. for Juinior high they cut 2 subjects. Schools are expected to elaborate more hours on each subjects. The new additional hours for religion will definitely go against such purpose. Under the assumption that the general public of my country suffer from amnesia, they add some more hours for religion which will deduct the hours for other subjects. The government expect students to gain moral values through those additional hours.

I am not against adding more hours for religion. I question the purpose and the reason behind it. School should definitely be responsible to students moral values, but how responsible is responsible compared to parents? Can you prove that those additional hours will contribute to the moral values?  Should the moral values increase will it serve as a short cut to overcome the brawls? I believe the idea behind adding more hours will erasse negative behaviors are too ignorant. Behavior formation is a long story not a simple mathematic issue that could be solved with an additional two hour religion class. We have the role models comprises of leaders, teachers, parents, friends who are more powerful in behavioral formation compared to an additional two hour religion class. If they behave well, I dare to guarantee that it will minimize all the negative behaviors. If corruptors, rapists, robbers, liars, are still your closest neigbours, forget the idea of minimizing missbehaviors. Another basic question that boggle my mind, what are categorized missbehaviors? Unless you know the real meaning, you cant fight them. If you still dont know the difference between a corruptor and an angel. Forget all the idea, they are nothing but  phatic communication!

CENTURY GATE

It's on again. The media as always play a leading role in making it on again. It's everywhere. Some say that they are targetting the Vice President (Tempo, 26 Nov-2 Dec, 2012). Some other say they need a sexy topic to redicrect the issues. Whatever the reason behind the exposure of the news, The Century Gate is there! My concern to this case focus on the classficiation of bank systemic risk.

The concept of system could be traced back to Ludwig von Bertallanfy, a biologist,  in the year of 1940. Von Bertalanffy was reacting against reductionism brought by Cartesian rationality view and made an atempt to revive the unity of science. To make a pragmatic explanation I would say that Von Bertallanfy had witnessed and felt the danger of the scientific atomistic approach in which every object in this reality is treated as a separate entity. In General System theory  “The whole is more that the sum of its parts.” Constitutive characteristics are not explainable from the characteristics of the isolated parts. The characteristics of the complex, therefore, appear as new or emergent.

Back again to the case of Century Bank, one of the reasons for providing liquidity assistance was based on the new criteria of systemic bank. Previously it was based on on quantitative scale. Banks with large capital were classified as systemic risk bank and would therefore be in the priority list to get assistance. Failure to one of them is assumed to have a systemic or domino impacts on the entire banking system. With the introduction of psychological criteria Century Bank which was previously not categorized as systemic banks was then included into the systemic banks.

If we trace the concept of systemic banks into the original theory of general system theory, the entire banks are to be considered as a system. Every banks are interconnected and interdependent of each other. The relationships are not solely based on economic reason. Psychological, political, biological and all spectrum of espitemology  are to be considered. Both the central bank and the government had circumsized the concept of system and left quantitative reason as the only consideration to name a system. Even a small bank will have impacted the system. It's just a matter of time. The small bank will take longer time compared to the big banks. In the end each impacts all.

CHRISTMAST IS ALMOST THERE

I received two mails from her. I knew it was spam, but still I kept them there. The feeling that you wrote to me bring the memory of the past. I traced all the mails, one by one. The thank you letter that you wrote to me after our wonderful holiday. That holiday moment was wonderful, yet a bit depressing. I felt a bit restless because I knew that some might not like the fact that we all came to your house and celebrated Christmast. But we did it for you because we love you and we knew that you would not be here with us for long.

Sitting under the christmast tree with mom and you, reminded me of the past, the unforgotten past. Christmast has always been the best time of the year, the moment we all looking forward to. I always thought it was because of the presents, later when I grow up I realize that it was not the presents, it's the joy and merry of being together. The atmosphere is full of laughter and smile. Small fights in between that add flavor to the Christmast spirit.

I still kept the picutre. You and me and some other cousins under the Christmast tree. I held a box of christmast present in my hand and our cousins sat around us. The excitements, the joy were painted on their faces. Can I have those moments back? Just for a few hours, not more? Are you there Sister? Can you hear me down here? It's almost Christmast

HAUNTED

Dear God,

I talked to a friend last nite. I talked about her and her shadow that has been chasing me. In times of sorrow and in times of pain, her name always pops up in my mind. She's my friend, my sister, my soul who's always there for me. I miss her so much. Rest in peace sister.

THE BALLAD OF THE MINISTERS

The headlines of the news covered brawls among students in Jakarta. The first one occurred among two elite schools in the southern part of Jakarta. One student died after being beaked by a sickles. This news had not lasted too long before another students in Depok was killed folowing a brawl among students of two vocational schools. Enclosed are some pieces of interview with two Ministers on this issue:

The Jakarta Post, September 26, 2012 “We are sorry that violence is still rampant at schools. We are determined to make this case the very last of these brawls ever, and to transform these two schools into harmonious, top-quality neighborhood schools,” Nuh told a press conference with Jakarta Governor Fauzi Bowo and the principals and the two school committee heads of SMA 6 and SMA 70 state high schools in Kebayoran Baru, South Jakarta. (Hallo! Within the same week another student died in another brawls)

The Jakarta Post, September 27, 2012: Religious Affairs minister Suryadharma Ali put the blame on a lack of religious discussion in schools. “We will cooperate with the Education Ministry and the Home Affairs 

Ministry to add extra hours of religious subjects in schools.” (God please help our Minister he put all his burden on You and need to be reminded of his part. To all the houses of worship, mind the message).

http://situs-berita-terbaru.blogspot.com": Saya agak surprise. Saya tanya puas mas telah membunuh korban? 'puas pak katanya. Siapa yang gak kaget, membunuh orang kok puas," kata M Nuh kepada wartawan di Polres Jakarta Selatan, Jakarta, Rabu (26/9). ("Asking a question is indeed more difficult than answering it". Now I know what it means. Can you consider asking the proper question as part of our education subject? I am willing to be the first student as I see it as a big issue. Poor child, aside from your poor attitude, I feel sorry for having been stamped with the label that was triggered upon you).

YOU ARE MY HERO

I am over the barrel. Helpless and battered. I have been trying to understand what was the reason behind everything. I believe there is one if not many reasons that things happen to your life. God doesn't play dice with the universe if I may copy a notorious experession.

As time goes by, the veil is gradually open and provide a gap that lead me to the big picture. The headache is not yet settled, it's still there. But the hero is standing right in front of me, ready to protect me. You are not perfect, who is? With all your lacks that made me see you as a total imperfection is gradually changing. You protect us in time of despair and you do it in silence and full of patience.This is the first time that I admitted the fact that he's my hero. Thank you for keeping the patience so long. twenty six years is not a short time. Yet you are still there by my side.  Thank you. You are my hero, indeed.

OUTGOING MAILS

Dear God, can you spare your extra time for me? Can we sit down and talk? Will you listen to my story, to my version. I know you are there to provide me with the best way ever, I believe in You, no other just You. But can you put what I believe into reality. Just one or two? I don't need all. Just one or two, if I may.I will put them in my outgoing mailbox and send them to You. Please read them God.  I am so so so tired!

YOU SAID

On Sunday, You said that I had to take the risk of walking in Your path. I gained my strength and prepared to walk on your path. On Monday, I realized that it was not easy, for the pressure was getting stronger. The tension mounted and they got closer to physical attack. There I was, waiting worriedly in the corner of my garden. 

Today is Tuesday. It's so much early in the morning. What will happen to my life on Tuesday? Will You bail me out, or do you want me to go on walking on the thin rope with all the risk? Please protect my family. Bless my mom, my daughters and my son. Give extra strength to my husband and tell him that I am waiting for him in the other end of the thin rope. You said You will protect me.

SPARE ME!

Dear God,

I'm battered. Spare me. Please!

WHAT IS THE HASTE FOR?

The weather is very much unfriendly lately. I did predict and sense the storm and hurricane coming. In my native language there is a proverb Sudah jatuh ketimpa tangga which more or less means similar with someone who falls out of a thirteen story window on Friday. The proverb refers to the continuous bad luck that occur to a person within a period of time. Soap operas make a huge profit out of this critical point. Heavy exposures on this area serves to hammer the heart and soul of the viewers. Once they feel battered and blue, the ads are exposed to trigger irrational decisions.

Good luck and bad luck are like my right and left hand. I use both to deal with this life. I see both as part of a cycle, if you go up, you have to be ready to go down. If you are happy you have to be ready to be sad. The black cloud that pass my door will always be there. I learn to accept it with a view that there will be the sun after the cloud. However, what’s written in my book of knowledge is not what occurs in reality. There is always a critical point that we have to deal with. A moment in which I feel battered and have to make decisions at the same time. The moment when irrationality dominates and I haste to make decisions to overcome the cycle of bad luck.

Action that spurs reaction. That’s me. The more I tried to get out of the black cloud the more I get drowned into it. My son suffers from ADD. I make a huge efforts to overcome it one after another, believing that this is what a good mother should do. I forget to take a silent moment and let my effort work before moving to a new effort. I’m proud of the fact that I have done my best effort to deal with it. I was chased by my own shadow and have never let my effort worked and be proven. The same thing happened with so many other things. I worked and spilled my blood and forget to let the silent moment fall in between, and let it disperse and become effective.

I remember vividly something that I have read in the past and felt that I completely understand it. “The eleven laws of the Fifth Discipline.” The followings are some of them, Today’s problem come from yesterday’s solution (A haste in making decision will contribute to future problems), The harder you push the harder the system pushes back (The more efforts I put on solving it the more severe the problem becomes), The cure can be worse than the decease (What seems to be a solution will only work for several moments before it turns into a real problem), faster is slower (what is the haste for?)

GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS

I dont know wether to call it good or bad news, but on Wednesday I was given a hint that I didn't pass the promotion scheme. There is a new trend on the promotion system, those who are included into the promotional package will be notified by phone and since I did not receive the magic call, I am not part of those who are going to be promoted.

Good or bad? That's another issue. Is it good or bad? Everyone was a sort of expressing their condolences to me. They feel sorry for what happened to my life. People in general see it as bad news.   As with me... I dont know what to say. I couldn't say I'm not affected but nor could I say that I am so much affected. To use the little finger that God granted me, I would say it affected me that much (showing my little finger). Please do not read it as a sign of underestimation or my retaliation to the reality...I simply feel that way.

My experience has taught me not to make an early assumption for what is bad or good. There is no single definition or truth about good and bad. It all depends on the context. Things that appear good in the beginning will turn out to be a disaster in the end. So it with the bad news that appear in the beginning will bear many fruitful things in the end. My being transferred to the new department a couple of months ago was one of the experience that made me see it as bad news. But as time goes by I begin to see the positive things in it and take the transfer with a totally different perspective.

In seeking of the meaning of this news, I have thought it over and over, and managed to gain some rational reasons behind it. Not being part of the promotion wagon, I will have retired within a two year time. I have my son and my family who probably need me more than this work. I challenged my reason from the financial perspective. Still I need some money to support my son. But then the voice within said, God will provide you with a complete package. If He appoints you to be in one place, He will make sure that you have or will have the relevant knowledge and skill to survive. So far I am blessed to have various experiences and knowledge that I could use to overcome the financial challenge. Sounds easy? No way...it's of blood, sweat and tears. But let me say my perspective, the financial challenge is obsolete!

So what do I have to do now? This is my text in response to one of the so called text of grievances: " I believe that whatever provided for me are nothing but blessings. All I have to do is to wait for the meaning to open up the veil and exposed itself. Space and time carries the meaning with it, so I am standing here in front of a horizon waiting for the phenomena to appear. So..good or bad, it all depends....

A MAN OUT OF MY BOY

My son started his new day in his new school. I got back home from Bandung. So we talked in his room. A calendar was on the desk. It was his school calender in his previous school. While I was adjusting the sound to the proper volume, he took the calender and suddenly he dropped it again. He said, I dont want to think about it anymore.

His statement was like a thunder that stroke my head. I couldn't believe that he made such a statement. Things must not be easy on him to move to the new surroundings and school. I definitely didn't want my son to be sad. So I gave him a hug and he cried in my arms. God, please take extra care of my son's heart. You put him in my hand a couple of years ago and I have always handled him with extra care. Now that my hands are not strong enough to carry his heart, do you think you can carry his heart in your arms? Please God, I beg you to help him grow.

I talked to my son and told him that within another two year time, I am going to retire. When the time arrives, his previous school is going to be too expensive for us. There is one of the reasons of transferring him to the new school. But the main reason was more for him. My boy needs a school that can help him grow and become his own person. 

I remember my conversation with the headmaster. 

HM: "What do you expect of your son?" 

Me: "I don't expect anything for he will have his own life. I just want him to be independent and be able to take care of himself. I am the one to be blamed for what happens to him. I spoil him. I handle him with extra care, and at the same time I did not teach him to be a grown up."

HM:  "We will be there to help you but you have to help him before we can help you."

Later when you grow up my son you probably will have a chance to read this piece. I want you to know that I have never meant to hurt you or made you sad. I want you to grow up and become your own person. It's just that I don't know which is the best way for you. Yesterday I thought the previous school was the best for you, then I changed it again to this new one. I have to admit that I kept on changing my plan, but trust me they are all based on my love for you and my intention to let your grow and become a real man out of a boy.

VOTE FOR ME!

Among all the candidates who run for the Governor position for DKI, how do you judge the one who fit? All the campaigns and all the media coverages provide flashy news on them. Most of them came up with the too good to be true programs to solve the perennial issues of Jakarta, such as the flood, the traffic, transportation and many more. They all come up with promises that they can not keep I might say and worst of all the public will definitely get carried away and vote for the heaviest promises. Later, they will regret their choices and grumble.

The opening for a number of top positions in my institution work with similar process. In my institution the board of governors are the decision maker to every promotion at this level. So everyone are trying to meet the CEO and wear the best attire and mask they could to impress them. Flashy stuff were thrown out in the air. 

The process has finished so far. Behind the scenes stories are all over the organization. How the member of  the HR steering committee cut the list of participants were just one story. All the documents and views of the supervisors are ignored. They use various indicators to cut the list to nominate their favorite candidates. The board's power to nominate is another. It is not less severe than the committee. One of them even expressed his power to nominate a person who claimed as a Phd graduate from one of the most notorious university in the world. It turned out that was the biggest lie ever. Still she managed to get through it. 

As a spectator, I notice the power of bubbling image. People are making any efforts to put themselves in the flashy bubble and make an extremely strong impression on those blind people. The key message is nothing but vote for me. And they manage to get the message through and get voted. Huh... what a reality.

THE END OF SCHOOL YEAR

It's June again! How time flies. This is the end of school year. Fail and success are everywhere. On the street students celebrate their success in may ways. Some ride on their motorcycles, parading around the city. Their school uniform full of scribbles and squiggles of colorful pens. You wont notice those who fail for they also "celebrate" their success in a different way, hiding in their own dungeon. 

My son has to move to a new school. His grades are still at the tolerable level and he can move to the next level. However the effort that we have to spend to make him be at this stage is unbelievable. He has extra teachers everyday, be it mandarin, math, Indonesian and the rest of the subjects that he has to take at school. I definitely can push him all the way, but I believe all those initiatives have to come from his side.  I am aiming at improving his behavior rather than his intelligence. 

Unfortunately there is an issue that I need to deal with. In the new school, he has to stay in the second grade. The new school focus on both his intelligence and his behavior. He can definitely be in the third grade for his intelligence, however he has to stay in the second grade for his behavior. Behavior is more compared to intelligence. 

The truth is always torturing. But then it's the truth. And I have committed myself to provide him with what he actually need instead of what I want him to be. I still havent talked to him so far. I know I have to, sooner or later. If I tell him the truth, he might feel depressed, no matter how hard I'm going to convince him. It wont be easy to make him understand that if he stays in the same grade, he will be better off in the future. What is the meaning of success if it is only for a fleeting moment?

ANGELINA

A small gift for Angel who has been pedaling the circle of life too hard. Once was crowned and now drowned.

The last part of the Tragical History of Doctor Faustus

[The clock strikes twelve.]

O, it strikes, it strikes! Now, body, turn to air,
Or Lucifer will bear thee quick to hell!

[Thunder and lightning.]

O soul, be chang'd into little water-drops,
And fall into the ocean, ne'er be found!

Enter DEVILS.

My God, my god, look not so fierce on me!
Adders and serpents, let me breathe a while!
Ugly hell, gape not! come not, Lucifer!
I'll burn my books!--Ah, Mephistophilis!


a small note: Lucifer was also an angel...once.

TO THOSE WHO STEAL IDEAS!

So many things fly around my head. Zillions of ideas. I know what I want to pick when the right time arrives. But it has to wait...like I said, until the right time arrives. 

These lips of mine are intolerable. I should have sealed them ways before the ideas came boggling into my mind. But I didn't. Actually I did, but not entirely. I still open my lips to those I trust. Not knowing that those people whom I trust are the one that I should not trust.

These lips of mine they move easily and so goes the story. The story of my dreams, one after another. I sat there in the corner and rattled. Saying things with ease, not knowing that the one that I trust was busy jotting them down, in her mind. Her lips were parted and  melodious statement flew out of them: Shhhhh.... she said. Don't share your dreams to others for they may steal them away from you. I laughed, for I believe I know what's right or wrong. Sharing mine with her .... couldn't be wrong!

As time goes by, after a couple of months away, I heard rumors, a very loud one, that she's there, riding the wave of my dream. She sealed her lips, tightly! I heard it because the little bird whispered them to me. She left a scar in my heart, but she brought a lesson to my life. A very tough one, but a lesson remain a lesson. It teaches you something. Trust those who betray you, but trust them in a more sensible manner, trust them in a distrust manner.

LADY GAGA IS JUST ANOTHER PHENOMENA

I am not her big fan, nor am I a follower of her news. But once or twice I do read about her controversial exposures. Lately her upcoming concert in Indonesia has occupied most of the news coverage. The authority does not allow her to perform in Indonesia for she might bring bad influences on the cultural aspect. FPI who claims to be a religious organization also refuses her performance. They claimed her to be the messenger of evil and Indonesia is a religious country. There are some other resentments threw upon the concert, however I go beyond them to find a consistent pattern which are currently in trend.  

Stop using your brain when you read or listen to the news. Comments and reasoning go beyond the grasp of logical reason, beyond the ability of brains to absorb and understand. It's mushrooming and become a real trend. Browse all the news on corruption! See how all those money munchers escape from heavy penalties using their illogical arguments. Read all the silly but powerful comments and reasons grow in debates and arguments on television. See how the empty brains argue and win.Do they really win?  they do! How can you argue them! What is the essence of arguments? A dialog that expect people to listen to others and express your own thoughts in response? This is not the case. Shove  all those theories and normative statements sideways. This is the survival of the fittest and this is not an intellectual debate.

The debate on Lady Gaga was aired a couple of days ago. Ratna Sarumpaet was one of the defender of the performance. It's not the performance actually, but she is fighting for the fall of  Indonesians into  disgrace.  We are human equipped with the ability to defend ourselves. We are above all God's creation for we have been granted brains to reflect. Self censorship will work and choose between what's good and bad. We don't need FPI to define what is right or wrong, nor do we need the police to defend the cultural issues. They need to focus on their own areas and most of all they need to focus on themselves. 

Lady Gaga is just like any other phenomena. Lady Gaga is just like the corruption trend among the Government officials or  the sex scandals of the member of the parliaments, horror movies that aims at stealing profit from the lower class. They are there in the open horizon, waiting for somebody to lurk and grab them. It all depends on us. We do have our own self defense mechanism. But of course this does not match with the logic of the no brainers. Those who win are those who speak louder. 

The political puppeteers  sat comfortably behind the screen, in charge of their controls on the no brainers. They are just a technology, developed to kill the logical of arguments and brought to the surface the new trend of no brain but gain.

BETWEEN YES AND NO

Between the Yes and No, there lies zillions of options. Where do I have to put my stance in between? This is going to be the recurring questions that will haunt my days and nights for two weeks. For within another two-week-time I have to submit the proposal that responds to the place between yes and no. It is not a new thing actually for I have presented my thoughts and concept. Unfortunately the lecturer claimed that I took a drastic stance by saying absolute no to technology. 

Heidegger suggested to take the yes and no position to technology. For technology has both it's up and downsides. Let me go through his concept and compare it to the yes and no position that he took. He claims that in this modern life we become the slave of technology. The anthropocentric view that occupied our paradigm has placed human being as the subject that dominates other human being and the surroundings. Focus of philosophy needs to be focused to  ontology instead of epistemology. 

To focus on ontological dimension,  Heidegger suggests to start with forgetting human. The concept of human as a subject need to be altered through the releasment or gelassenheit. Forget wiling and shift into non willing instead. This will take us to an open horizon in which we have to wait for movements or activities that will merge in the horizon and reveals themselves as das sein to the subject. 

Heidegger does say that we have to take between yes and no. But does he translate his stance into his concept? I would claim no! For turning down the subject as the center and allowing object to reveal itself in the horizon is a yes or no position. I don't read any symptons that indicates his between yes and no position. In a pragmatic way I agree with his claim, but conceptually I still don't get his logic. Share your opinions as to enlighten my between  yes and no brain.

THE MISTRESS (ISTRI SIMPANAN)

The headlines of today's news focuses on the fact that an educational book for children of secondary grades covers a story related to mistress (istri simpanan). Almost all the news was trying to put the blame on the ministry of education for allowing the word and concept of mistress to be that part of the book. Tempo new covers a broadcast on twitter, asking the rational behind the decision to consider it part of education material. The ministry of education was so mad and promised to set up a team to find out who's to actor behind. The head of Dinas pendidikan regrets the incident and put the blame on his subordinates.

This is one among the series of jokes happened in Indonesia. There are many facts that could be cultivate out of this hillarious incident:

1. Have they ever done their job properly instead of condemning their subordinates or trying to to find the scape goat? They must be too busy to cater for their own self interest and forget their responsibilities. They always end up at the same corner, putting the blame on the ghost or on their subordinates.

2. Hypocracy. A mistress exists and it is a real case among the public. Dont they consider the case of AA Gym as part of story that contributes to the education of the children? Dont they think that case of some gay artists speak louder than the school books? Dont they consider that unsettled corruption cases are more the lesson learnt compared to school books? They read the news and listen to the infotainment more than they browse through their school books.

3. Have they ever considered that children have to learn from mistakes. And as far as I know, the story does not put the mistress high on a pedestal, instead they put it as part of an ordinary story out of which you can learn from the mistakes.

4. Female is objectified as always. The devil , which is the mistress, is female.

I stand in an opposing side to the rest. For I support the fact that educational book covers real stories of what is happening within our society. Let children learn through real cases instead of providing them with the life of wine and roses and creating a gap between their mental model and the reality.

THE LADY SITTING ON THE BALCONY

I am old. I was bold. But that was years back to the past. I am going to be 90 this June. My bedroom and the balcony are the only two places in which I spend days, hours and seconds of my life. I sleep most of the time, and if not I sit on the balcony for hours, watching the family come and go. They are all occupied, go to work, do some sport, go to the uni or simply go to school. They come back home late and could probably care less of my existence in the balcony. They do not even see their future in me, sitting here in the balcony, sometimes with the maids and sometimes with some rats that go back and forth.
I realize that I cant catch up with the language of today, and my memory could not accomodate more than a few sentences for a few minutes. I will ask the same question again and again until I notice some of them get impatience and slowly but definitely they leave me there on the balcony. There are times my other grandchildren call me and talk to me. I hear beautiful words flowing, asking about my health and telling me that they love me. Do they really? I dont know for I feel like a forlorn and forgotten old lady. I feel like I am just another burden to the family. If you really love me that much, dont you think you will visit me and accompany me in my old days? Sorry for asking too much. I just want some attention. Make me feel that I exist, talk to me and sit next to me.
When they are home, they are all tired or they have another subject to deal with. Again they ignore me. I used to be there, I used to be in their place. I used to feed the family. With these two hands, I brought into alive all my children. One by one they went away from my life. I faced two of my five children gone away to heaven. I watched the three of them facing the battle of life, each in their own ways. I am happy if you are happy. I am sad if you are sad. They come to me when they are sad, they walk away when they are happy. I will go away and I know you will all cry. Love is not about crying on the curb of my corpse, but love is about showing that you really love me. Talk to me, listen to my repetitive sentences.
I am just an old lady, sitting on this balcony, sleeping when my head is heavy. The balcony is gonna be your place in the future, replacing me when I'm gone. A place where you will shed your tears. Thinking how you wish I will have been there for you, in your sadness and in your madness.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT BETTER

Cold sweat ran through my forehead, running down to the sides of my cheeks before it finally landed on my neck. My entire neck was wet. I felt empty and dizzy. It's back again, whipping my nerves and body even harder than before. The pain was unbearable!
I asked Him again, what else do you want from me God? I begin to change, I try to be a better me. I am trying to do all my best to be yours. This is my temptation, this is my cross. I take it God and
I thank you Lord for all your blessings. If she is one of the blessings, I thank you Lord. I dont ask you to take this cross away from me, but pls give me strength to face it properly. I love her Lord, no matter how bad she is. Show me how to love her Your way, not my way.
Are you lonely my princess? Are you hurt? Do you miss your dad? Am I not good enough for you? Do you want me to accept him? Give me strength to understand her Lord. Save her from all the temptations, talk to her God, help me make her understand You better.

NEW PLACE, NEW SURROUNDINGS AND NEW ME?

It's been almost 3 months since I moved to the new department. Things are getting a little bit clear. I begin to see the big picture and begin to dive into the details. I have to enjoy it, no matter what, this is what life is offering me at this very moment.

About 3 weeks ago, the previous member of the board, came down to my place. He has gone through a lot of awful times. He was trying to look as if nothing changed. I saw myself in his reflection, trying to pretend that nothing change. I did not know what to say but the moment was boggling my mind. He then made a statement to me:"Finally you found your home." My home? Is there a place called home in this jungle? Anyway, I replied nicely: "Every place has to be my home Sir. There is no other way to keep myself comfortable then to treat any place as home."

Today I received my personal appraisal. Yes, as I predicted the old department classified me as mediocre. I travelled back to the past and saw the pattern, if the boss likes you (not your work) he will label you as superior and it works the other way round when he doesnt like you. I learn to carry this reality although it is not easy. As far as I remember, I create new things, I innovate and I dont just do the routine stuff. Anyway..... let it go...

This new place and new surroundings have turned myself into the new me. Have they? I doubt. I saw myself tracing back the path that I had been through in the past. I went back to the moment in time in which I felt myself as a good person if not best. The naked me, without all the labels without all the ornaments, sitting under the shade of His blessings. Thank you Lord for all the blessings.

PLAN IT THE WAY YOU WANT!

It's been 9 years since I first wrote this blog. Many pieces were written down for my children. In fact I compiled some that had been written down for my eldest on her 17th birthday. I read them again and again this morning. I laughed while the crystal cried slowly rolling down on my cheeks.
I painted a life of honey and roses for my daughter, yet she chooses a different kind of life. I do understand that she has her own will, but I just feel sorry for everything. She seemed like running slopping down the hill. I watch her from a distance. She is miles away....
She quit her studies for the third time. She dated the wrong guy. She changes the nature and worked at nite and slept at daytime. She kept on lying, one after another and I let her go on... She hang out with people that heaven knows how.
My plan for her is not her plan. Her plan lies in the mind of her own. I let you go my princess... I let you lead your way. I believe that God will be around you.... while I am wathing you from the distance.

RIP LIBRARY.NU

I had never taken any profit as much as I had with Library.nu. I believe most of the users of it will share my opinion. The previously known as Gigapedia offered millions of freebooks . Yes, they are free! They earn their profit from ads or from premium user.

A couple of days ago, I was browsing and downloading some books when suddenly the site went down. I did not know what happen and thought I might be coming back again the following day to continue browsing. But Library.nu is not available from that day onward. I still did not know what's going on, and went browsing to know the reason. Apparently a consorsium of publishers had sued Library.nu.

It is really interesting to think of the concept of offering free books. On one side it is breaking the copyright law, but on the other side, it helps zillions of people all over the world to have free access to the collection of books. I happened to read somewhere that most of the users are people from developing and underdevelop countries. So both have ethical issues to address.

Some of the people are for the copyright issues. They showed their concern for the writers who spent their time on writing their master piece and get nothing in return once it becomes the collection of Library.nu. However most filed a complain for not having access to books anymore. It is stated that the rate of complain listed as one out of ten most posed questions in Google.

As for me, it is a hard blow. For I really make use the availability of it for my studies. I get a lot of books there. I wonder why there is no cooperation between publishers and sites such as library.nu. They can collect money from users and in return users can get access to anybook without the facility to download them or whatever. Learn the behavior of users from Library.nu and make something out of it. The ethical issues will be addressed from both sides.

I began to see the picture that had been predicted years ago while I was a student studying the new communication technology. It is predicted that ebooks will trigger new ways of making books available to the public. The fact that one of the biggest book shop had to be closed down is just one phenomena. A counter reaction was then directed to Library.nu by the publishers. We have just to wait for the revenge from sites like library.nu. I wonder why both are thinking for their own profit. Why dont they just colaborate to create a betterment for knowledge?