THE REALITY

It's been a week since the doctor increase the dossage for my son. I dont see any progress. The literature said that it takes at least 6 months to see the effectivity. The doctor told me that it took only two weeks to see the medication work.

I know if I tell the doctor that the medication doesnt show any impact, he will increase the dossage again. This is what im scared of, for the medication will have a hallucinative impact on my son. I watch my son on a day to day basis: he still tries to be in the opposite direction to my words. He would do it my way but then he had to rebel against me. He still played trick on his sister and that made them fight. He still have difficulties to focus and need to be assisted all the time, or else he wouldnt be able to finish his school work.

I dont know whether I should tell the doctor the truth or take my own decision and lie so that the medication will show its effectivity after six month? Lots of questions with no definite answer.

WHAT'S BEST ?

If you ask me what's best for my children? I might give you a weird look, for every parents directs all their efforts to give the best. On a second thought, I can not agree more for the question entails another question, who defines the meaning of best? Is it me or is it my children?

In one of the discussion I happened to get acquaintened with the concept of dwelling. A comfort zone similar to a home. A place where egology dwell. A place where we invite others to come inside and define them based on our categorization. The reality is a totality, the reality is similar for my spectacles are utilized to see and interpret things. They all occur under the name of having a good intention to others. I dont have the intention to dominate, yet I dominate. I subjectivate others with my spectacles.

The other is not less than me in every ways. They deserve a space in which they can express their faces. Through their faces, I make my acquintances with them and at the same time I appreciate God for they are the unique and infinite creation of God. I worship God through the face of the other and I have lost my right to kill the other for it has never been my right in the first place. God creates and God knows what to do with them. I am oblige to give them room to express their uniqueness and get to know them from their own dimension and perspective.

Children are no less different. I have learned a very good lesson these last couple of weeks. They are not mine and they want to be appreciate as what they are, through their own face and perspective. If their perspective is not good enough to me, then it's my problem. As with them they will learn what's best when they stumble against the stones of life. What they learn might not be the same as what I have learned.

Lord, let me open my mind and raise my child based on what's best in his view, not in my view.

IT FAILED TO WORK

Yesterday was Saturday. It's been two weeks since I last took my son to the doctor. So, I took my son again to the doctor yesterday. The main target of the visit was to find out if the given medication had worked.

As the doctor invited us to get inside his room, he asked me about my son's progress. I had asked my helper at home how my son behaved during the two week in which he was under the medication. She told me that he was doing better. As with me, I had not seen any significant progress. The progress that he gained so far was basically based on my program and had been on even before the medication was prescribed.

The doctor assumed that the medication had no impact to my son. So he was trying to find the reason. He asked me if I had continuously given the medication. I told him that last Saturday was the only day that he missed the medication. He arrived to the conclusion that the dosage needed to be increased. I began to ask him questions about the impact of the medication for I understand that it will create hallucinations and increase the suicidal tendency. He told me that it is still safe for he would increase the dosage from 10 to 15. 20 is the most that my son could bear.

The medication doesn't work be it for the dosage or any other reasons. The answer has to wait for another two week time. Hopefully this time it works. But then there is another question that need to be answered. If it works, will my son be dependent on the medication for his entire life?

ANGELS ARE EVERYWHERE

My son tends to be disorganized. Today they lost their books, tomorow they lost their pencils and so on and on. My son is not an exception. He looses his school diary and makes us busy with making phone calls to know the agenda for tomorow, or he looses his coloring pencils, or books etc.

Last week he went straight from school to his chinese class nearby my mom's house. So I told him to take a nap at my mom's place. He was wearing his PE uniform when he went to school and by the time he got home he has changed into another shirt and pants. I didn't pay too much attention to all those nitty grity.

Yesterday he had to go on a field trip to the museum. He was supposed to wear his PE uniform but I couldn't find it no where. I forgot the fact that he wore it last week to my mom's place. We were all busy searching for his uniform when a text entered my cellphone:

"Good morning! My daughter told me that your son had lost his PE uniform. I happened to buy two pairs of them last year and still had one that I can spare. If you dont mind, I'd like to give it to your son."

I almost felt into tears when I read the text. Thank you Lord for sending me your angel. They are everywhere.

THE FIRST TERM

One term is over and that lasted for three months, commencing as of July to October. It's time for his report card. My daughter went to school to pick up my son's report card. I knew that things were not as good as we expected them to be for my daughter did not call me right away. I couldn't control my curiosity and called home."Things are not that good compared to the previous term! He got F for Chinese, he got A+ for music, with three Bs, 4Cs, and 7Ds."

As soon as I got home I traced his report card. He got 60 for Chinese which is F and Ds range from 65 to 74, Cs range from 75 t0 84, Bs from 85 to 93 and As from 94 to 100. My son is one level better than the lowest student in his class.

I do not pay that much attention to his grades but then the teacher does. For me his focus is the key to his success. Grade is just an indicator and it is important though not the most important part. He is below average with his grades, but he's progressing with the most important thing, his focus. Let's work it out together son.

TO WIN AND TO LOVE

Help my son. Ease his pain. Tell him that You love him God. He needs so much love that words can not explain. Why do people vote for those who need to win in a competition and why dont people vote forpeople who are in need of love ? Is winning more important than love?

...

Life has not been good within these last two days. Yesterday my son was supposed to take his first medication. It was not easy to find the medication prescribed by the new neurologist, but I managed to get it at Rumah Sakit Pondok Indah. The tablets has just been pusblished on the 2nd of October.

My son didn't want to swallow the medication no matter how hard you try to push him and no matter how persuasive you try to talk to him. The medication has to be taken in the morning. I did my best to persuade him and fail. My daughter helped me and we both failed. Finally my husband came and pushed him to swallow it. I almost fainted when I saw how he did it. Dear God, can't you help me with a better way of doing it?

My son got scars and bruises on his right chick. He has swollen fingers. and most of all he's so much hurt. The pain is nothing but the fact that his parents hurt him is more than the bruises. I went off the car and took my son. We both walked. I took him home and cuddled him. He told me that he didnt want to miss PE class. So I decided to take him back to school. I was late myself for work.

Lord, hurt me as much as you want to but dont hurt him. Put the cross on my shoulders and I won't complain but dont let my son carry the cross. He's only seven!

When I got home at 6.30, my son and I went into my bedroom and we studied arithmetic. He managed to finish one out of the two assignments within the time limit. I gave him a star. So far he's got almost 25 stars. Keep it up son, you need another 25 to get a bike.

DOUBT

I took my son to another doctor. This is the one that I got from Tempo. I went straight from the airport to the hospital which is located in the western part of Jakarta. I had waited for almost 30 minutes before my turn arrived. I went inside with my son and was quite amazed to find a gentleman in his forties, quite young, greeted me warmly. I told my son to go out of the room and poured out my problems. He seems to know all the doctors that I had been to. He then invited my son to come in and asked me to wait outside. This is where the problems begin. My son refused to be left alone inside the room. He insisted that I had to stay with him. The doctor began to judge me. He said:"Your parenting style is probably the reason." He's already seven and he's supposed to be independent. Does he always behave like this at school."

I responded and said:"I visited his school once in a month and most of those times he wouldnt let me go." Deep down in my heart I knew that my leaving him for a couple of days was the main reason why he didn't want to let me go. I tried to explain but the doctor did not take my excuses. He retorted rapidly, explaining the child development process: "A child has to be independent when he reached the age of 4. At this age, he's not supposed to have this kind attachment anymore. "

I am not in a good mood to explain so I let him rattle. I will prove that next time he will be independent. My child is in the process of stabilizing. I am not a doctor but I'm equipped with one thing which the doctor did not, a motherly instinct. There are times that he's independent but there are also times when he's insecure and stay attach to me. We all do!

The doctor gave him a series of toys and asked him ro arrange shapes by colors. In the meantime he videotaped my son. My son was focusing on the task but once in a while he turned his head around to see if I was still there. After he's done with the task, the doctor invited me to sit by his desk and asked my son to play in the corner of the room. He said bluntly:" Your son suffers from attention deficit disorder. And I need to prescribe some medication for him. There are two types of medication: the first one will impact his appetite and the second is a new medication and it is said that it doesn't have any impact. Basically it is dopamin. I leave it to you to decide."

I responded straight away:" Give me the prescription."

He wrote down the prescription and explained that I had to get the medication in another hospital located in the northern part of the city. That's the only hospital that sells the medication. I am still in a doubt. I didn't know if I wanted to give my son the medication.

THANK YOU SON

Today my son had his mid semester quiz on Bijbel and Bahasa Indonesia. He had been studying the afternoon and at nite he spent another 4 hours. It pays for today he gets 85 for Bijbel and the result for Bahasa Indonesia is still not announced. However, I am quite convinced that things would not be much different with Bahasa Indonesia than the Bijbel.

I did not know what to say when he broke the news. But one thing for sure I'm very happy. All the efforts pay and most of all he's doing progress. He feels more confident and I can feel it. It accelerates his motivation.

My son, I don't expect you to be a genius or what. I am just hoping that you could be independent in any ways that you choose to live. One thing that you can be sure of, I love you and I will do anything within my reach to make you happy and independent.

LEARNING WITH FUN

My son will have the mid semester quiz for an entire whole week, starting as of tomorrow. I decided to try a new method, combining learning with exercise, which is an afternoon walk. I know it's quite risky knowing that my son has inattentive problem. He has to study among the hustle bustle of the afternoon traffic. However, I decided to give a try for if he's able to focus in the heat and traffic then he will not have any problems with focusing in the class room like any other kids. It's a kind of exercise for his inattentive problems.

So, we went for our afternoon walk. It was so hot that no longer had we walked then we had to stop for a while in Mc Donald. The heat was unbearable. Despite all the sweat and heat, my son managed to finish one chapter out of 4 that had been targeted for tomorrow. He was grumbling all the way, but I knew that he was trying to adjust. As to motivate him I promised him that if we could reach Pondok Indah Mall, I would buy him a toy. The reward is indeed powerful. As I offer him to go by busway to another direction, he asked me to focus on PIM for he was aiming for the toy.

After Mc Donald, I added another topic, Bible. He had to finish 4 chapters and managed to finish 2. This time, he wasn't grumbling anymore, on the contrary he was very happy and learned quickly. As we arrived in PIM I told him how proud I am of him and how good he had been along the afternoon walk. We went straight to the store and he bought, again, a car. He was lucky though for the shop was offering a special deal. For any purchase of two cars, one gets another car for free. So my son brought with him 3 cars. And...believe it or not, I added arithmetic and he didn't show any serious reluctance to it. Instead he memorize them well! We agreed on going to do the afternoon walk again next week. Sport and toys are his strength!

INDEX FINGER

In my previous post I wrote down how I had realized that my son's inattentiveness had contributed to his reading ability. It's not that he's not able to read, but he could not focus. He sees the first or the last syllable and guess the rest of the word. I asked him to point the lines with his index finger to help him focus. It helps, he can read faster now and most of all he understands what he reads.

I discussed this issue with a lecturer I happened to meet on my trip to Yogyakarta. He looked deeply into my face and said:"You know what? That's what Japanese organization requires the employees to do. For every object that has been the focus of the attention they have to point it with their index finger. I didn't realize why they have to do it, not until I heard you talk about your son. Maybe that was the reason, to keep people focus."