Autumn is the time for me to finish all
unsettled questions. The real
autumn is over, in fact this is summer.
But I have reached the autumn of my life. There is one big question in my mind.
What’s gonna happen to me when I grow old? Will somebody look after me? I knew
the answer was no. But that was my assumption. A six-day-journey has brought me
to the real answer.
I did not see anything strange upon my arrival. But on the way I began to
feel the symptons. Unpleasant frown
on the face as I wanted to do my
shopping list on the first day. It’s only six days, if I could finish my
shopping list on the first day, I still have five days to go. It was not my personal
shoppinng, it was for the school that I am going to establish soon. Anyway... I
did not do the shopping on the first day. So there goes my first day.
On the second day, that was Wednesday. I stayed home the whole day. I clean
the kitchen a bit and noticed that there was almost nothing to cook. I
stayed home and ate a piece of bread.
Suffer from hunger a bit the whole day. In the evening, I said...let’s go out
and eat. So we went out and dined. The food was so so...but i was starving and
that was probably the best food I have ever tasted in my whole life. We did some shopping a bit, for I need some
fruit to balance all the junks that went into my stomach to ease my hunger. Today I was informed that friends
would come over to eat. I will cook for them. I love to do it, it made me feel appreciated.
On the third day, that was Thursday, we went out shopping. I bought lots of
books for my library. Another frown. I pretended I did not see it for this is
my third day, I have to do something for myself. I took a taxi home for If I
did not, the frown would probably stay forever. In the evening I feel like
going out so I went out on my own, and wondering, dont you want to do some
shopping for tommorow? Anyway...I’m willing
to do more and more, but I am older now, I can not carry all the shopping list
myself. So I dont know how things are going to be tomorrow. I leave it to the master. I wanted to finish
my project but I could not. I need some resources, and I asked her to borrow a
book from the library. But she forgot it. I asked her if I could use the
electronic digital library, she said there is no such thing. I remember last
time back home, I used her electronic digital library resources. Maybe the policy change or maybe...I dont know what.
On the fourth day, Friday. I took a shower earlier that day, because I know
that invitation had been sent and people would be here in the afternoon. No
food? It was after lunch, the initiative to do shopping turned up. The
invitation was at four, and we went out at 12 something. So I could figure out
what’s gonna happen next. We arrived home around 2 and I began cooking. At 4
people are turning up. I’m still cooking. A question popped up. Why did it take
me so long to cook? My goodness, who do you think I am. A genie or what? She
asked for rendang and this is the longest food to cook. I turn the stove higher
to make the process faster. Lucky, the rest of the guests arrived late and I
could finish around 5. Right after I went inside the room to sit, she popped up
and said, the food need more salt, it is tasteless. The hurt and pain was
mounting and I went out to apologize to the guests. After dinner, they all went
out and I was again alone in my room. Anyway... I have heaps of work to finish,
but the pain in my heart hurt so much. I told myself, you are older and you
turn to be more and more sensitive. Okay. I admit this fact.
On the fifth day, i was left alone from early in the morning until late at night. That’s okay.
I kept myself busy and cook for the day. At night she ate the food and gave some negative comments on the meat. Well, I dont have any excuses to
say. Let it be. The pain and hurt have already been there anyway.
On the sixth day, which is my last day. No moves, nothing. So I stayed
quiet in the room. Feeling abandoned, feeling sad, everything altogether. It
was almost twelve when I was asked if I wanted to go out.. That day was not my
day. I received bad news from home. On the way I thought I miss my bus card. We
missed the bus, I could not draw cash and we got lost. Finally we decided to go to the city. Again.
An aimless trip, not knowing what to do there. Anyway.... just do it. My mind
was at home actually. So in the city while we were having late late lunch, I was trying to bring her in
to find a solution. She did not say a word. I know what’s in her mind. “It’s
none of my business”. The hurt was so deep. I was unstable myself, she did
not have to carry the burden. I do, I was just asking her for an opinion.
Anyway... I stayed quite the whole night. She came to me and apologized. I
tried to explain my reasons. You dont need anybody when you are happy, but you
will definitely need somebody when you are sad.
She smiled happily. It’s not because of my words, but simply because she
could make me speak again. I tried to make the best out of my last night. I
asked her to order pizza and we ate and had a conversation together with her
friend. I went to my room. She stayed outside and slept on the bench. I might be the virus that made her
affraid of sleeping in her own bed. She
was affraid that I would ask her opinion about the problem back home. Anyway...she
moved into her bed, late at night, and went to sleep right away. Some important
phone calls were ignored. After lots of
complain and after receving lots of promises to visit the library, she finally let me use her
electronic digital library. I did not really use them in the end, the mood is not there anymore.
My departure day, Monday. I was mad yesterday, so I said, I didnt want
nobody to take me to the airport. Yes, she made it happen. Okay.... you dont
know me then. No matter how heavy my suitcases were, I was not going to complain.
The pain did not stop there. I was in the bathroom, she shouted at me telling
me that the taxi was downstairs. I knew it, but that was not 6 o”clock. That
was a bit early, so I still can use the bathroom. The pain was so unbearable, I
cried a bit in the bathroom and I told her that i can’t wait to leave
myself. I went out of the toilet and
grabbed my bag. She followed me. My suitcases were already downstairs. I am
more than ready to leave. I kissed goodbye and I jumped into the taxi. I did not turn my head, not even
once. I left the memories of my six days behind.
I finally have to thank her for answering my questions. Winter is almost
here, I will be ready to be on my own. You can
count on my words.
